Saturday, March 31, 2012

"I hate being bipolar, It's awesome!"

After Doctor Who, Roswell could be the best series I've seen :) It's not that exciting or scary but the relationship twists make me smile and laugh while I'm currently a bit down for various reasons. And I can see myself in Liz (the way she feels about Max) AND Maria (just the way she is)..
And during the last 2 nights I've seen dreams of aliens and Roswell (for once I'm dreaming of something I seriously like!), especially Brendan Fehr/Michael<3 (1st season: 11/22 episodes watched)


After Thursday I haven't really had the will or energy to write. I have one assignment due on Tuesday and I have NO idea what I'm supposed to do about it but at the moment I don't even really care.. I don't want to do anything at the moment.. I have letters lying on my floor, I have one almost finished letter next to me but I just don't have the energy to continue writing it.. I just want to talk to someone or just have something to do/watch to forget everything for a couple of minutes..

I haven't been feeling that well (I've been angry and tired for a while now) and what bothers me the most are my current mood swings. Most of my mood swings are internal so people don't USUALLY see those but during this week my mood swings have been a lot worse than those have been in a long time.. :( I feel like crap and the only thing that has kept me company and cheered me up (apart from the fact that I realized I've lost some weight again<3) is my cat. While I was trying to write a letter on the sofa he jumped on top of the letter and came to my lap. During the night he came right next to me and started purring. I seriously love him!
Due to my mood swings I've been quite happy that I'm pretty much all alone this weekend..


My anger/irritation will probably be shown in the upcoming mail/snail mail post.. I'm a bit harsh on people when I'm angry (but if it makes people feel any better I'm even more harsh on myself 24/7 and I'm not normally such a b*tch.. At least I hope I'm not..) but I forgive and forget things quite easily and fast..
The things I have written and will write are my first reactions to some of the letters I've received lately (and in the past) and a normal rant about snail mail nowadays :)
I hope it will be a LOOOO~NG one :)


I need to start packing things up again because my "room" will be renovated (not in my apartment but the room where I used to live 2006-2010) and I need to empty my closet and move the boxes where I keep the letters I've received (and replied to) 2000-2012 :)

~Lily

"Welcome to my life"

Friday, March 30, 2012

Wake Up Call

"Are you at school?"
"No.. I'm at home.."

Mommy dearest decided to call me today and wake me up at 9.30am, I had my alarm clock ringing on 10.15am because I seriously wanted to sleep and I got to bed after 2am (after a day during which I went to school in vain, ate a full box of biscuits all by myself, drank at least 15 cups of tea (and a couple of glasses of green ice tea), wrote 6 letters (I started with the shortest ones - replies were 3 pages written on both sides) and managed to get to the 10th episode of Roswell :)). After she left (she came when I was quickly trying to change my clothes in our bathroom) I had about 1 hour time to eat breakfast and pack my things before I had to leave to school (IHad to use my winter shoes with ~5cm heel in order to avoid new blisters)..

More about yesterday: I got a call around 7pm - RAVEN was calling me! :D I hadn't called her in a while nor had we talked but I was really thrilled to spend the ~20minutes updating each other about our current lives. She had ordered some tea from my favourite British shop and I bet I'll end up doing the same if I ever get the money to :S She bought a kindle (I want one as well ;;__;;) and she has a job until the end of May.. :) I'm a bit jealous because I can't find a job from around here :( She asked about me and S and she pretty much laughed when she heard that I've practically shown S what kind of a person I truly am (at my best and at my worst). I seriously miss my and Raven's daily chats with a cup of tea! :(


After the phone call I got back to letters (a bigger blog post about those around next weekend as I want to write a LOOO~NG post dedicated to snail mailing and I'm probably adding a couple of rants to that - already started writing it AND I want to have the time to decorate the envelopes since usually all of my envelopes are UGLY D:) to distract myself. I keep myself busy all the time not to feel sad/depressed or miss S while he's on the other side of the globe (and at least one of my friends already mentioned this to me - "Hopefully, letters keep you busy enough to not miss HIM :)"). I do miss him but I don't want to keep on thinking about it (I hate evenings when I'm trying to get to bed and start sleeping - I get way too many thoughts and ideas and I really start missing him D:)

The ICT class went rather quickly and now I'm already going through my mail (which one to write next), I read the letter and a card I got today from Germany and Finland and I'm spending quality time with my little brother :)

I seriously love some of my friends or people I know :) An old friend of my dad has send quite nice comments and messages now and then and the latest that made my day came today :)
I shared "news" in facebook that David Tennant is the new face of a Virgin Media Advertising Campaign and added "I still want to marry that guy" (Even S knows that I'd dump him for David Tennant ;)) and I got a comment:
"
Little Georgia Moffett
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey;
Along came Lily,
Who sat down beside her
And pushed Miss Moffett far away! I'll be expecting a wedding invitation, good luck and success!
"

I started laughing since last year me, X and Raven were planning on getting rid of Ms. Moffett ;) And since the exact same guy was the first to call me "Lil' Kay" and gave me my newest nickname :)

I need to clean up today, do some laundry, continue letter writing and just try not to feel bad about not dyeing my hair (L and T came to school today and L gave me a red hair dye for free since she can't use it herself) :)

~Lily


ps. I'm changing my shoes to the ones I bought from Lappeenranta (~10cm heel<3) until I find my sneakers :)

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Just. My. Luck.


 Woke up around 9.30am after sleeping almost 8 hours (started and finished a letter to an old penpal from Austria and went to bed around 2am - can't get to bed any earlier D:). I was thinking 'bout skipping school as in the end me and D weren't able to have the tandem meeting today (he had another meeting in Helsinki). I had breakfast, drank some ice tea (green ice tea is heavenly<3), wrote a postcard to a postcard pal I haven't heard in a while and in the end chose to go to school.
I walked to school in 45minutes (left from home around 11am) since I TOTALLY forgot that my current shoes cause me blisters... D:

When I made it to school 11.45am I returned a Finnish paper and went to the ICT class to wait for the class to start and print a couple of texts. A bit before the class started I saw J trying to be the representative of the class and talking with our teacher. (I just don't like J. He's a creep.)
Unfortunately the teacher really did listen to him and he notified us that there will be 2 groups (the class will be put in half) and of course me and S will be in different groups. This makes changes to my schedule so that I have school on Thursdays from 8.15am to 9.45am (seriously!! D:) and since our another teacher wanted to have another contact lesson with us I have school on Friday from 8.15am (SERIOUSLY! Who can make it to school that early on FRIDAY? D:) to 1.30pm.. D: I don't like it at all.. .__. And in the end we didn't have a proper class today as most of the students were away (in project trips (Stockholm and St. Petersburg) like I was last week). So my trip to school was in vain D:
I left from the class around 12.30pm and made my way to the Lidl located near our school. I wanted something cheap to eat (I start to eat a lot when I'm angry or frustrated.. D:) and after that took a bus home.


 Now I'm laying on the floor and writing this blog post and working on a couple of letters :)
I got a letter from Ai-chan today and it REALLY made my day :)
I also got some ideas during the walk to school and I'll be writing about those first to my pals and maybe after that to my blog :)

~Lily


ps. Happy Birthday Aya-chan! :)
pps. After getting the first Mondo travel magazine I ordered I REALLY want to travel!!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Roswell (High)


Since I was 10 I remember reading Roswell High books whenever I found a new one in Finnish. Most of my (female) friends belonged to "the Sister's Club" which was a book club about chick books. My friends usually got the Roswell books and I got to read them and to be honest I still own one or two of those books which were given to me by friends.


I got addicted to the book series and when I heard there was a tv show (kinda) based on the books I got excited! I knew I wanted to see the series and on top of that I loved the intro song as soon as I heard it (Dido - Here With Me) and I still love it!


Too bad I never really knew when the series aired in the tv so I never got to see more than max. 5 episodes. It was long ago and I think the only episode (or a part of the episode) is from the last episode of the last (3rd) season. I can still remember how angry I felt about the fact that I finally found out when the series was airing and then it ended.
Now I have all the series and can start from the beginning. The first episodes aired in 1999 and I feel a bit nostalgic about that. The series hasn't lost any of its power during these last (almost) 12 years and I'm almost as psyched as I was when I first found out about the Roswell High books (or started watching Doctor Who) :)

I've seen 3 first episodes today and I can't wait to watch more of those (need to reply to letters as well!!!) but as I'm skipping tomorrow (no reason to go to school ;)) and I have a tandem course meeting from 12pm to 2pm I can stay up quite long :3 (....and I have an energy drink in the fridge..)

Apparently you can also watch the series in youtube:


trailer:


And last but not least the intro of the series 1!! :3

(sucky quality but still.. <3)

~Lily

Yesterday after school (Russian class ended up lasting for 30 minutes - Yay. -__-) I walked to the bus station with S and he took the first bus to Helsinki (at the moment he's on the aeroplane to Miami while it's cloudy and cold in Porvoo). After that I walked home, got a call from my BFF Kimmy and she came over. I promised to help her a bit with her application assignments (she's trying to get to universities to major in art. Fingers crossed peeps!). SHe came over, we had tea and a couple of sandwiches before we left around 7.30pm. I came back home 8.30pm and felt a bit weak for one reason or another. Called S and whined a bit (I'm a terrible girlfriend, I know) and after that I started cleaning up my room as I didn't have anything better to do and I wanted to avoid all of the possible panic attacks by doing something to distract myself.
In the end I managed to write a letter to Germany and went to bed around 12.30am.

This morning I woke up around 6.30am as S called me (like he promised) a bit before he left. We talked on the phone for a while (can't remember that much as he woke me up and I was still half a sleep) and I went back to sleep after the phone call and woke up 10.10am. I'm quite okay but I don't feel like doing anything now and I'd LOVE to skip Thursday and Friday (seriously! Only one ICT class on both days! D:) but I know I can't because then I'd start skipping school way too often (as I did during the Autumn).

I'm going to go to a tandem course meeting in about 3 hours (DON'T FEEL LIKE IT D:) and it's going to take 3-5 hours which means the time is taken away from the letters D: I've been writing things down and I'm starting another letter (or two) today :) I wish I can "get rid" of most of the letters during the time he's away and then I can mail all of those out after Easter!!! ^^

Gotta get back to cleaning the room and sorting out my snail mail supplies before I take my morning tea and start waking up properly :) (and waiting for the mail man)

OH! I finally got my pocket sized digital scale yesterday!! It'll help me with penpalling! ^^ From now on I know how much the letters and packages weight and I can check how many stamps they need without needing to go to the post office! ^^

What I sent on Monday :)
And the scale<3



Have a great week!

~Lily

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

"I wanna be cute"


Back to school after having 10 days off and going to Tallinn as a project trip during the intensive week (when we didn't have any classes :)) was a bit tiring.. School started 8.30am and I was almost late as I missed the bus I wanted to take with S (he has his luggage with him .__.) but luckily the class started a bit later than it should have :) The class lasted for about 30minutes (only had a presentation to listen to), the next class started at 10am (so one hour of nothing to do - waking up in my case since I slept 4,5 hours

 
- NOT a good idea to drink an energy drink around 12am just to stay awake and finish the law assignment that was due this Thursday (returned it 2,3 days earlier \(^__^)/)) and I'm not really doing anything.. :) I was listening a bit but as my attention span isn't that long when I'm tired I was trying my best to keep myself awake. After the class ended around 11.30am (me being really stressed out because I had to write about my future and to be honest I'm SCARED of future.......) I had 4 skip hours (Russian classes changed places and the class starts around 3.30pm every Tuesday.........).

4 hours of free time to do whatever I want to every Tuesday and this time we went to a restaurant to eat and "celebrate" a bit (I've been kinda threatening S to start a liquid diet, because of my money situation until next Wednesday and because I've gained some weight and I have a slight obesophobia (the fear of gaining weight)) and talking before he leaves to Helsinki tonight and to Miami tomorrow morning. I've already remembered to list things I want to get from the States (TEA!!!!!!!!!) and tried my best to make him feel bad for leaving me to Finland for week and a half (even though I have lots of things to do while he's not disturbing distracting me :)). I want him to have fun but I don't like that he'd going to Miami where it's nearly +30°C (+86°F) while in Finland it's only (MAX.) +6°C (+42F). I don't like it at all.Where's the spring I'm waiting for?!?!?


Tonight I'll be going home (my apartment has started to feel more like home even though the area ain't that good or safe) around 7pm and I have nothing I HAVE to do. I think I will open a bottle of green ice tea I have and drink it by myself, try to plan or/and start/write a letter or two :)
I even went through some of my letter supplies yesterday night when I was over energetic (all thanks to being stupid) and had to do something or else I would've felt stressed and probably had a panic attack for not having anything to do. (Seriously, today I finally realized how messed up and neurotic I really am! AND how easily I get offended and angry.... "You're two years cuter that way." "So you mean that I just get uglier/uncuter the older I get?!?!?!?") Today I got a new box to put my letters/letter supplies to so I'm going to go trough those once again, cut some pictures and stickers out of some sheets I've had for over a year now (been too lazy busy to do that earlier) and I can put the loose letter sheets to one exact place instead of having those all around my writing table and in my closet (I don't have that many clothes so I can store my letter supplies in my closet.. Dunno whether that's a good or a bad thing..) :)

~Lily

ps. I feel like I don't have enough tea with me.. I need MORE! ;;__;; How am I supposed to survive until next Wednesday with only 5 boxes of tea when I'm able to drink 1 box a day.. :(

Whiny whininess (not really.. I hope)


Will start working on my letters once again after tomorrow. S is leaving to Miami on Wednesday (I've been whining about it since last week) and won't be coming back before next week's Friday so I have a lot of time to be spend on letter writing (finished all of the assignments for this week tonight as S was staying with me doing his assignment as well ;)) or going to the Russian tandem meetings after 4 weeks (OOPS!).
We spent yesterday evening together (he ordered me to go to my apartment 1.10am :( We didn't have school today - it's practically already Tuesday BUT........ to me it's still Monday :DD)) and today he called me around.. 10.30 and since then we've been hanging out at my place. I've had the time to whine about him leaving me behind and getting offended by the fact that his friend/buddy said he should leave me and get another girl from Miami. Watched a couple of more episodes of Doctor Who and just talked.

I've been thinking about cutting and dyeing my hair (I get a free red hair dye from a classmate tomorrow so~ I guess I'm going to be red head once again :)) and I'm really considering getting the pixie cut after I get money once again >3<

I mailed the letters and postcards forward today (letters: 2 to USA, 1 to South Korea and postcards to Australia and China :3)

That's pretty much all I have to say right now.. I've been writing things down (topics I need to discuss with my penpals) and I'd rather not talk about those in here or else I have nothing to write about. I can always whine complain about life and school but at the moment the only problem is the fact that I have unneeded skip hours on Tuesday (12pm-3.30pm) and on Friday I only have ICT classes from 12pm to 1.30pm (how do they think that I manage to get myself dragged to school for only 1,5 hours?? D:). Oh, and I'll be at school from 8.30am to 5.30pm on Tuesdays and 10.00am to 5.30pm on Wednesdays. The fact that I have to spend so much time at school sucks BUT I'll be able to write most of the assignments during the skip hours (especially since no one is going to bother disturb provide something better to do during that time :))

I'm going to stop for now, I need to get to bed little by little and I can't wait to start replying to letters once again (will be posting the letters I manage to write during the time S is abroad April 10th due to the Easter).

Here are some songs I really love right now:

Robyn - Call Your Girlfriend
(someone showed it to me and since then I've looking for it and fell in love! :))

"Then you tell her that the only way her heart will mend is when she learns to love again
And it won't make sense right now but you're still her friend
And then you let her down easy

Call your girlfriend
It's time you had the talk
Give your reasons
Say it's not her fault
But you just met somebody new"



Katy Perry - Part of Me
(saw the video when we were in Tallinn and I LOVE Katy Perry's music. I want same kind of hair which she has)

"This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
Throw your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows
But you’re not gonna break my soul
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no"



Train - Drive by
(heard it once while I was driving -I'm not a good driver- and fell in love immediately ;))

"Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you"



Have a great week~

~Lily

ps. Seriously, I've already been a month with that guy and it still feels like we just started dating :O

Sunday, March 25, 2012

"This Is Blasphemy"

Sorry for taking ages to write a new post. As this is my 300th blog post (can't believe I've kept the blog alive for nearly 2 years now..) I decided to try and do something different (or at least try to add as many different topics to this one so it will be a LOOOOOOOOOOOO~NG post.)..

here's a picture of a Hello Kitty Easter egg S bought me a while ago.

I know most of my readers are only here to see me blogging about the mail I send and receive (and I personally follow (mostly) letter blogs as well) so I try to start to combine posts so that there are something about my mail most of the time as well as something what's on my mind as this is the only way to keep myself sane while I'm busy with school.(even now I SHOULD be doing school work and not going through my blog or writing a new post that won't be posted in a while due to my busy schedule).(Latest exam results: Russian - 3,5 and Law - 4,5 (the best possible grade is 5 so I'm quite happy :)))

I spent last week's Sunday with S as we were planning on staying up all night so that the Tuesday wouldn't be that hard (had to wake up latest at 4.15am - and I did). I don't remember that well what we did - went shopping quite early, talked, had fun, drank way too many energy drinks (we washed our clothes on Saturday if I remember right - there are 2 washing machines for the students in the ground floor of the building where I live - had a lovely breakfast that morning:
yummy...... Yoghurt and ED energy drink. I don't normally even drink energy drinks..) Around 2am we started making tortillas and I ended up leaving it since I was so tired. And I was drinking my 2nd energy drink of the day/night at that point.. I gave up around 5am and kicked him out and fell asleep immediately. I think I opened up a bit more during that night (I tend to keep things inside).

On Monday I woke up a bit after 9.30am and felt like going back to bed - it was SNOWING AGAIN!!


I spent the day with S (AGAIN) and we were watching Doctor Who, S met my mom for the first time and we worked on our Finnish assignment which we managed to finish on Friday while I was complaining about it and kept on saying that I suck and that I'm stupid. (that's what happens when people keep on telling you that you're stupid) Went to bed around 9pm and woke up 4.15am. Opened the first energy drink 4.20am and drank the second one before 8am. :)

I spent 3 days in Tallinn (THERE WAS NO SNOW!!) last week (March 20th-22nd - Tuesday-Thursday) and I had a GREAT time. The group became a bit closer (it was so much fun!) and I was able to spend time with S. We walked around the city while we were working with our project. Thanks to the fact that the prices are a lot lower in Estonia than in Finland we went to restaurants to eat every day (it was great!! Finally I was able to eat out even though I have the known student budget wherever I go :)) We also went shopping (TEA!) during the trip and in the end I came back with LOTS of green ice tea (not available from Finland for one reason or another) and cheap (Pickwick) tea I've been looking for from everywhere I've gone to - I got 2 bags of this tea when I did some swaps in postcrossing forums and since then I've been looking and now I know where to go and buy those :3

Before we left S made it clear to me that whatever I'd take with me from Porvoo to Tallinn and from Tallinn to Porvoo I'd carry by myself. I would carry everything on my own - in the end his backpack was full of the ice tea I bought from Tallinn. I felt a bit bad that he took those since we made a deal about it but he took those and didn't really listen to me (well I didn't really even try to get him to change his mind.. :))...

What I brought back with me in the end



Yummy!!

The group stayed in a hotel near the centre and I shared the room with a Russian girl K. I've never before really talked with her but she's REALLY nice! I had fun talking with her and listening to her translate some of the parts of the Russian tv-show I didn't quite get :) We stayed there for 2 nights and got a breakfast to the room - 1 sandwich, 1 yoghurt, 1 cup of tea/coffee and 1 glass of apple/orange juice :) My breakfast included tea and apple juice :)

breakfast!

During the trip back from Tallinn we spent time at the bar area of the ferry. I was complaining about everything (as always when I'm tired) and I used S as a pillow. The group had finally found out that we ARE dating (they were drinking the night before and at one point F looked at us and started to talk again with "So you two are a couple?" - F is the gayest straight guy I've seen ;)) and during the trip back we were all so tired that no one cared what others were doing. We had one teacher with us and during the trip to Tallinn she had acted and talked as if she noticed that me and S are an item. During the trip back she took some photos and said that we look like a couple. We just let it be since we were tired and I was concentrating on everything else except what the teacher was saying (she's our class' semester coordinator as well). She came back from the tax free a while after I started using S as a pillow and hold his hand. She looked at us and if I remember correctly she said that our body language gave us out and she asked how long we've been together and whether there are other pairs in our class. We were just smiling, answered to her questions and I was talking about "rosey" (I kept talking to him how I want a flower starting from when we got to Tallinn and on the last evening he finally bought me one BUT it died during the trip back D: It was really pretty sparkly red rose :(). I was at home around 12.30am and I went to bed almost immediately (after going to the shower and being extra happy about the fact that I had received 3 letters (1 from Aya- one I was REALLY looking forward to - the envelope is the cutest!) and a postcard from my Chinese postcard pal. :))

What I had received between Tuesday and Thursday! Aya, S/GER, N/GER and S/China

S/GER

Aya's letter!

Apart from hanging out with S at my apartment on Friday (he'll be travelling to the States Wed 28th March-Fri 6th April so I'm trying to keep him all to myself the whole time before he needs to leave.) a pal of mine made my day (even S was laughing and complained that he doesn't have as adorable friends as I do :))

"You're BACK :D
I realized because you're back on TUMBLR!"

I was pretty much glued to him on Friday and it was FUN. I don't usually voice out my thoughts so he keeps on asking now and then whether this and that is okay and so on. I love hugging. And best part of it is that he loves spending time with me as much as I love spending time with him. :) I didn't get any mail that day but it didn't really bother me - I read the 2 letters I got from Germany (2 and 3 sided letters) and the postcard on Thursday evening and I had Aya's 22 sided letter left for the morning (I wanted to be awake, have the time to read the letter and drink tea while doing it - I'm a caffeine addict. And if I drink tea after 10 or 11pm I'm staying up until 2-3am.) So I started reading Aya's letter in the morning before S came over. I had read Aya's post about the letter she sent to me while I was with S so he knew what I was waiting for (and how it should look like) and when he came over (my flatmate T was also awake at that point and we were in the kitchen having some sort of breakfast) I was waving the envelope and smiling like a madman. "Look what I got!" He looked at it a while and smiled a bit. Then he saw the letter and T said she would never have the time nor energy to write something like that and S was asking whether we're exchanging letters or novels :3 I seriously love that guy. I spent the rest of the day with him (minus the couple of hours when he met his BFF) and when my dad came to pick me up I kept harassing S with text messages even though I know he doesn't really like those.. :3

On Saturday morning I wake up around 6am nearly crying. I had a terrible nightmare and my first reaction was to look for the phone and I almost called S. When I saw what the time was I dropped my phone and tried to calm myself down so that I could get back to sleep and not wake him up like I did on Friday morning. Took me a while but I did calm down in the end but didn't really get back to sleep. I let my cat out of my room (he slept next to me) and started working with stamps that I got from the 3 letters I received this week (YAY! LOTS of new stamps!! :3) After those were done (I need a new book for the stamps soon :S) I started going through internet (facebook games~) and writing postcards and letters. (at this point it's 12.30am Sat-Sun night and I've written 2 letters (to Sri Lanka and South Korea) and 2 postcards (to China and Australia) today - I also wrote and sent a letter to my childhood friend (the one who's spending a year in the Canada at the moment) when I was in Estonia)- I also managed to mail a postcard to A/Netherlands on Friday but it was waiting to star its travel for almost a week).

postcard to A/Netherlands

letters and postcards. (Hockey bird stamps I bough on Friday)

to M/Sri Lanka

Postcard to Australia (Fairy card - in the envelope)

postcard to China

Letter to South Korea

A chat between me and S during Saturday since I went to see my cat and didn't stay in Porvoo for the weekend ( :( ) and yes, we use both Finnish AND English (or as we joke I use British and he uses American) when we talk to each other:
L: "I gotta go and get some tea"
S: "Why did that make me smile like an idiot?"
L: "because you know I get cranky if I don't get my tea?"
S: "Because "Tea" is such a big part of your character."
L: "What? :D tea is a part of my character?"
S: "If I'd have to define your character, one of the words I'd use would be tea."
L: "I love you :)"
S: "I have my moments."

I still have no idea how I'm going to survive the time he's in the States. I have most of the letters sent and replied to (and if things go as I fear I will have a lot of free time during school days and at school so I will be writing school things and letters most of the time.. :/). I've been complaining about this to him for a couple of days already and I know I'm not even trying to make his change his mind about the trip. I want him to go there and have fun, I just want him to spend time with me before he has to leave.. :/ But luckily I'll be going back to Porvoo tomorrow and I don't really have any classes on Monday SO I can stay up late and spend the Sunday evening and the whole Monday with him. :3 And after that I get back to letters, I already started the 3rd letter of the day and I bet I will finish it during Sunday (to NJ/USA).

But I think this is it for now.. My 300th blog post and these will keep on coming no matter what. I need this to stay sane. :)

~Lily

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Sent birthday package.

After squeeding a lot and getting excited about the fact that I'll be getting some mail soon S finally understood how much snail mailing really means to me. He has been laughing at me when I've been explaining him my hobbies (snail mailing, collecting postcards and stamps etc.) and the terms behind those but he really does understand how much it means to me. I even showed him some of the blogs I'm following and what kind of comments/posts snail mailers leave to each other. What made me even happier is the fact that he said it to my face and hopes that the letter I'm waiting for won't get lost :3

Yesterday we went to the local post office to mail Aya's birthday present (this time it costed only 6€ to mail it - I had already 3€ worth of stamps on the envelope and had to pay 3€ more for 4 stamps more :)). The stamps I used to mail her package include my favourite set of stamps for this year:

I LOVE those!

Another thing that happened to me, S and my brother:
we got stuck in an elevator/lift for nearly one hour today (and I'm slightly claustrophobic). It was SMALL (1mx1m) and we waited for 55minutes for someone to come and let us out. And while I was the smallest one of the 3 I was sitting on the floor (had to take some pills so that I wouldn't get a panic attack in the lift) trying to calm myself down. I was seriously starting to cry the whole time I was in there and even S said that he got really worried when I started to get all pale. If I would have needed to stay there any longer I would've probably passed out because I started to get anxious a bit before the repair man came. I was SO sure I would've died in there :) But luckily I'm alive! :D

I need to do some school work tomorrow as well as laundry since I spent this afternoon in a short shoot with Kimmy (and in the elevator) and I watched Doctor Who episodes with S in the evening.. :)
Will be having a small Doctor Who marathon on Sunday-Monday night (won't sleep just so that I will fall asleep early on Monday and wake up on Tuesday around 4am, be in front of the bus station on 5.30am and leave from Helsinki to Tallinn (for 3 days) at 7.30am :)

~Lily

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

At times people are just way too hard to understand..






Tuesday and Wednesday have been okay days.
I had not that great of a day on Tuesday, worked on school things and didn't manage to study for the Russian exam. A bit before 8pm I got a breakdown, got angry at everything, grabbed my keys, phone and iPod with me and went out. I walked an an area where I wouldn't have gone at all when I was younger and surprisingly I felt quite safe..
I managed to get back around 8.30pm to get a call from him and even though I was a bit messed up I let him come over. We ended up talking, sending applications to various summer jobs around the Porvoo area and laughed. After we talked I felt a lot better and got to bed earlier than usually (I fell asleep before 11.30pm when usually I stay up until 1-2am.)

Something nice from yesterday:

"you have a way with words"
This was the first time someone has been complimenting my writing skills (face to face). I showed him some of my old blog posts - not allowing him to read my blog YET (he knows I have a blog and how much it means to me - I need it so that I can write things down in order to stay sane). I got a bit taken aback since this is only the 2nd time I've heard something positive about the way I write (another comment came from Aya-chan, about the way I write my letters :))

"You look sassy."
We were talking about the fact that I hadn't studied at all for my Russian exam and I was saying something about the fact that I'll get a proper grade even if I only get a 1 from the exam. I had some kind of a confident expression and that's what he said to me before I started laughing and asking what the heck does he mean with that. It was still quite fun.. :)

Today has been okay, I woke up 6.45am (first time around 6.10am and I changed the alarm time from 6.30 to 6.45), got out of the flat around 7.20am (a bit later than I expected - I made porridge this morning and tried to study something before the exam). I walked to school with him. I had the exam from 8.15am forward and I left the class 8.45am - I THINK I'll pass it though I did leave some parts empty. From 8.15am I started printing papers concerning the project we're doing right now and I finished the Russian portfolio before the next class that started at noon - after the lunch. After that I've been hanging out in the campus cafeteria trying to study for the exam and writing this blog post :)

The only thing that got me down before the class starting at 4pm was a message I got from a classmate/friend who's sick at the moment..

"actually, I was quite upset for S's reaction during *add teacher name here* feedback session so that I dont want to see his face but then you're with him so I need to go somewhere else"

S and A were kinda arguing over the report we made (the layout wasn't as the teacher would have wanted so we got a 0 - we have time until the Sunday on week 12 to fix everything and get a grade between 3 and 5). The bad result shocked A and she got a bit angry and started telling S what to do, S was already stressed over other things and well...... This is how it ended up. She won't spend any time with me because I'm with him.. GREAT.

Swedish exam tomorrow (just heard about it today - surprise exams are always oh so much fun!), there will be a party in the apartment next to mine so there will be a lot of noise until 1-4am and a Law exam on Friday (no idea what I should be doing~). Luckily the school days are quite short (Thur. 10am-2pm and Fr. 10am-3.30pm) so I can sleep longer than during these last 2-3 mornings..

I'm taking some more student loan due to the fact that I don't have enough time to get a job or make money in any other way (and the student money I get isn't nearly enough...). My mom would kill me if she knew but it's my life - my business - my mistakes and so on :) And I only took a small loan - so much that I get the 20-40€ more every month to be spent on FOOD. I've been losing some weight because I can't afford to eat properly and since my anemia seems to have gotten a bit worse again (eating the pills don't work all the time) I NEED to be able to buy proper food and EAT properly (We've had a small argue over this with S - he knows I've been suffering from eating disorder(s) and it shows now and then).
I hope I will get the loan and that things will get a bit better and easier - especially now that I've decided not to be dependent on my parents no matter what.

Hopefully I'll have some time to write after Friday~

~Lily