Friday, September 21, 2012

This week has been a terrible one for me.. With some good things here and there..

I talked with a Chinese upper classman - J (also a neighbour of mine) on Wednesday and chose to skip one class (2pm-3.30pm) to go to a café with her just to find out that the Business English classes on Thursday 2pm-6pm aren't compulsory for Finnish students - I'm not going there as I've already done my elective studies so I have 4 hours more during the weekdays to work on my assignments! (at least some good things). We also agreed to meet up on Monday evening at her place and have some sort of a tea party - she has some Chinese tea with her and told me what kind of mixes she usually does - and she promised to make me one extra special mix of hers.
I finally got to know another Chinese student (she's also a second year but majors in marketing) and it seems that whenever I spend time with J she'll most probably join us as there aren't that many Chinese students in here - even my flatmate is Chinese born Vietnamese..


As I dropped Business English, I only have Russian and Swedish classes (8am-2pm) on Thursdays and this Thursday my Swedish class was cancelled so I only had the Russian class 8am-10am. All thanks to the fact that I didn't get to bed before 1am (I was worried over money issues - more about it later on) so I over slept - I had my alarm ringing 6.30am but apparently I shut it and continued sleeping.. SO I spent the day finishing one assignment and started to write letters. Somehow I managed to write 2 letters (will send those out on Monday though) before I crashed down, cried for hours and staid in my room the whole day. My Finnish speaking flatmate saw me once or twice that evening (I usually have my door open and spend time with her in the kitchen) and asked what was wrong as she saw that I had been crying. I didn't talk about it because I didn't want to start crying again (though I did immediately after I got to my room and shut the door)..
NOTE: I hardly ever cry no matter how sad or frustrated I am

So why the heck did I fall apart? Thanks to a big mess and misunderstanding I have to pay over 350€.  And note that that's EXTRA. On top of that I have my normal bills and rent and everything to pay and as I usually have 100€ (if even that) a month for food and anything extra, I had to cancel my trip to Rovaniemi and spend all of my savings for that frigging payment... My mom was yelling at me, my dad was trying to calm me down and everyone else whom I talk to about this reacted more or less with words such as "shit happens, life is a bitch". I was crying my eyes out and just cried for hours..
I need to get a part-time job or two and as I already have some difficulties with my studies I have no idea whether I'm going to survive this year or not. I have 2 possible places where I could work at but it would mean that I spend Mon-Fri at school and work my ass off during the weekends - no time to load my batteries. I need money but on the other hand I can save some from groceries as I've more or less stopped eating properly..

I'm already back at the phase where I was in 2005. I hardly eat. I had a week long diet before Tracon and I haven't been able to start eating (properly) again after that. I'm not hungry, I don't want to eat - I don't need to eat. As long as I drink whenever I feel a bit hungry I'm okay - I'm not dehydrated and won't be, I just don't like food anymore..
On top of everything I heard last week that heart problems are really common in both my dad and mom's families and someone from my family was just diagnosed with a heart problem.....

~L.

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