Tuesday, April 10, 2012

The "CLICK" in penpal world - My small rant about penpalling

First of all, sorry for a crappy penpalling related post - I've been in a really bad mood for over 1 week and that's why I might sound like a b---h during this post. I love penpalling and my dear pals, I'm slowly but surely getting back to writing daily thanks to the fact that my mood swings are getting milder and milder everyday. :) And it's not that much of a rant - some of my thoughts about penpalling and lots of pictures in the end :)

 March 29th '12 - April 9th '12

Me writing letters
I don't know whether it's the fact that I haven't been writing in a while, I'm in a bad mood or just that there isn't the magical "click" that so many penpallers talk about but while I was replying to some letters I hadn't replied in a while (I haven't really written anything - before now - since I started dating S) but a couple of my new pals (3) to be just don't seem like people I'd like to write to in a long run.. Or the 1st letter gave off some vibes I didn't like.....

1) I felt quite bad when I read a letter from a potential new pal. I had written her a normal length letter with all the basic info about myself and as always the first letter was 3-4 pages long (A5 - written on both sides with my quite small handwriting) - she had asked me to start writing with her and insisted on me writing first. Usually I don't want to do this (if you want to write with me you write first, if I want to write with you I write first) but this time I thought "why not".
I got a 1 page (A4 - her hand writing is quite normal - 25 lines/page) letter back and I started to wonder whether she really is dedicated to penpalling..
I personally do enjoy receiving letters (who wouldn't?) but what I enjoy more than that is pouring my heart and soul to the paper I have in front of me (when I'm upset I start writing and forget my worries). I might take my time (and even longer) to reply to the letters I get but up until now I haven't left any letter I've received without a reply no matter what. Reading a received letter is really a feeling I love but after I've finished reading it I start planning on the reply and what I should tell him/her and what has happened since the last letter :)
I've written a reply to this one and I hope the next reply I get will be a longer one because the letter I got was a bit impersonal and I don't know whether I can click with a person like that.

2) I felt a bit irritated while reading this one before starting to write the reply. This one is 3 years older than I am and can't really write anything but simple clauses in English. How am I supposed to write with someone like that? I need someone I can have deep conversations with without the other NOT getting me wrong most of the time AND with someone who understands and is able to reply properly. I know that not everyone can have great English skills but I've had even deeper conversations with Asians who are 4-5 years younger than I am! (The "one" I'm talking about is from Europe). SO I am thinking 'bout giving this one another chance (even though I got a bit pissed off - can be also the fact that I wasn't in a great mood and I was tired when I was reading his letter - there is no difference in my writing style no matter my mood) and we'll see if the letters will start evolving.

3) A letter started with a short introduction: name, age, about location, siblings, pets and then to: "you can trust me with all your secrets". I bet she meant it in a good way but it gave off some bad vibes to me.. I'm shy and a bit introvert (but really moody and extrovert with people I know - like with Kimmy and S) and it takes a while from me to trust people so I don't know how this will go on.. She barely introduced herself, made some quite personal questions but didn't reply to those herself! :/ I'm worried I should just start dropping more and more of my pals and concentrate on the ones I know I click with and have things to write to and share things (and if you ask something, you answer to the question as well).. And the letter was ended with "reply quickly". Not a line I want to read in the first letter (or even normally in letters.. I get really anxious when there are those 2 words at the end of the letter and it usually means I take my time with the letter)...

The oh so mysterious "click"
The click is something mysterious that binds penpallers together and gets them to trust each other and open up like they were talking to each other face to face. In the penpalling groups, net-sites and forums I've been spending way too much time I've usually found people talking about the "click". It's just as in real life, one gets to know someone with exchanging (some) words and ideas and you tend to decide based on those facts whether you two will get along and become friends or not. I TEND to click with most of my irl friends but there are some I don't click with that well or just don't click with anymore (note that I do get to know people quite easily but I only have 6 friends I truly trust in - including my BFF and BF).
I need to "click" with my penpals or else it just won't work (I don't feel like writing when there are letters from people I just don't seem to click with) and I believe it's the same with everyone. At times the "click" doesn't happen before the 2nd or 3rd letter but in some cases it just is there from the beginning. For example Ai-chan's first letter was quite short and boring but I wrote back to her and her second letter was really personal (and really fun to read!!), 3 times longer than her first letter and I just saw the click there. I believe she's someone I can really talk (write) with, just like I do with F, Maria and Aya-chan :)

Dropping pals
First of all, if I have to drop my pals I drop them because I won't be able to reply that often if I won't get a summer job. No job = no money = rare replies. And I know some of my pals don't like waiting for their letters... So I'm sorry if you get offended by me talking about dropping pals but my life has changed a lot during this year and I just can't keep up with the letters if I don't get the money to buy stamps.............
I bet anyone active in the world of penpalling has been dropped more than once in their lives.. Sometimes you get a message from a pal that it just wouldn't/doesn't work, the magical "click" is missing, they've just given birth, they've started a new relationship (I was afraid this or the next one would have happened to me with S but luckily no - he doesn't mind me writing letters or postcards), their partner doesn't like him/her to send letters to other men/women etc. And then there is the worst way to be dumped: without a word. You send a letter to your pal and keep on waiting for a letter that never arrives. I've lost a great deal of possibly great pals like this (from New Zealand, Zimbabwe, South Korea, Japan, USA, GERMANY (apparently Germans don't like me as I've started to write with over 20 of them and 95% won't make it over the 2nd letter D: and still I keep on trying to see whether I could find an active pal from there), France, Belgium, Greece and Russia) which is why I personally decided not to leave any letter without a reply no matter what. I know how it feels not to get a reply so I'd rather be dumped as a pal than dump someone. And I usually keep on asking whether people have received my letters or not - if not I tend to rewrite the letters no matter how many times I have to do it.

Letters and postcards I managed to write by April 9th:
Not that many since I had a short time during that ~2 weeks when I didn't write because I was too pissed off to and I hated everyone and everything. Know the feeling?
But I still managed to get rid of quite many letters and I'm proud of myself :)

Letters: Austria, 3x Germany and Spain
Postcard: Thailand
stamps on the letter that will travel to Spain
to Germany
to Germany
To Germany (x2)
Letter to Finland :3
to South Korea (one of my first foreign pals<3)

to South Korea (I'm afraid I messed up the address because I wrote it in Korean...)

Postcard to China
Letter&Postcard to Taiwan

to Finland

Some received mail

Postcard from China (postcard pal)
Letter from USA (1 new stamp<3)

Letters from Finland
Postcard from Russia (postcrossing)

Postcards from Spain (X travelled there) and Japan

The Japanese postcard I got<3 I LOVE cherry blossoms :)

What I bought on Wednesday April 4th (and got from S on April 6th)

BEAUTIFUL postcards (sending a couple and the rest might end up being a part of my future give away :3)

Helsinki postcards~

2x cat envelopes and a Kokeshi (sticker) postcard

I got juice tea from the States

Surf Style South Beach - beach bag:)

Hello Kitty paper (from Hello Kitty store >3< Can't believe I managed to drag him to one in Tallinn and he went to one in the States :')) and a WrestleMania XXVIII teddy :)
That's my "rant" for this time, I'm quite pleased with the penpalling world at the moment - we'll see whether it changes before or during the summer :)

Have a great time with penpalling and have a great mail week!! ^^



  1. Mistä ostit noi postikortit? Tosi nättejä :o
    Tiedän tunteen, itelläkin ollu sellasia kirjekamuja että on oltu vaan lahjojen perässä ja kirje on ollu tosi köykänen.. -_-
    Ite oon huomannu et aasialaiset on ihania, ne kirjottelee useammin kuin ne kaverit mitä mulla on euroopasta. Toisaalta niihin mä oon enemmän yhteydessä muulla tavalla~

    1. Löysin yllättäen ne Suomalaisest (tai bestis löys ne eka ja sano mulle, oisin kyl löytäny ne iteki mut ku oon TOSI hidas ku pääsen kattelee postikorttei) ;O
      En ois uskonu et sielt löytyis jotai noin nättii, tai ainakaa Kampin Suomalaisest :)
      Mä taas en oikee lähettele lahjoja ni ne ei voi olla lahjojen perässä, on vaa tosi huonot englannin taidot tai sitte ei vaa tarpeeks sanottavaa..
      Itellä ei oikee mee hyvi aasialaisten kanssa.. Joko ne kirjeet on tosi lyhyitä tai sitte ne lopettaa parin kirjeen jälkeen.. Euroopasta löytyy mun mielestä (ainaki ittelleni) parhaat kirjekaverit, ku posti kulkee melko nopeesti ja parhaimmillaa kirjeet on useemman kymmenen sivun pitusii :)

    2. Aa okei :D Pitää itekki sitte käydä Suomalaises ko voi
      No mä aina sanon niille että eei, en halua lahjoja vaan kirjeitä. Mutta sitten tulee aina karkkia ym. -_- ja sitten yritän itekki pistää jotakin pientä mukaan.. Mutta panostan enemmän kirjeisiin.. Mulla on toisinpäin, vaikka harvemmin saan oikein pitkiä kirjeitä, mutta on ne lyhyetkin aika ihania ^^

    3. Toivottavasti löyät noita, ku ite löysin vaa pienemmä valikoiman kotikaupungin Suomalaisest :) Ei läheskää yhtä kivoja ko noi mitkä ostin Helsingist :)
      Ite saan aina vaa kirjeitä ku ei onneks muillakaa oo oikee varaa lähetellä mitää, ku kaikki on aika hyvin köyhiä opiskelijoita tai vastaavia :)

  2. I hope you feel better after ranting here. :) I totally understand your feelings, although I haven't met any case similar to yours so far. I'm glad that despite you meeting some people who (let me quote you) prefers receiving letters and rather than being dedicated to writing, you still have a few pen pals who can 'click' with you! It's better than having none at all, right? As for me, I always pour my feelings (mostly about stress I'm facing) in my letters, I love pals who really understand about my feelings and give me really nice advice and motivation! So far, I have a handful of pals who I find can 'click' with me, who I can lay my trust and share info on my personal life with. Hope you will find more pals like that too!

    Have an awesome week!

    P.S. What fabulous Helsinki's cards! :3

    1. I do feel a bit better and I feel a lot more motivated to write (even though I should be writing assignments and such..)
      Yeah, it's good to have some friends one clicks with but there is always a chance that even if you don't click with someone immediately you might click a bit later :) So I'm still keeping my hopes up and hope I don't have to drop anyone :)
      I know what you mean! I love pouring all of my feelings to the paper and ask for some help to my worries.. A couple of nice words is enough to motivate me :)
      Thank you for the comment! I hope you won't lose any of your good pals!! ^^

      Have a great week!

  3. Hello I am Brazilian, I'm passionate about the world of friendship through letters, I really wanted to exchange letters with you and if you can direct me to their friends, I will be the happiest person in the world

    1. Unfortunately I'm personally way too busy for new pals but maybe you could try looking for new ones via Interpals? :)