Thursday, March 1, 2012

"I heard a kid proclaim in schoolyard "I'm Panda!" I thought it was a cool name."





via

I've been happier than in a long time since Monday morning.

Monday Feb. 27th
We agreed to have a proper talk on Monday morning (which is why I went to school already 9am even though our classes started at noon). I had reserved a small project room from 9am forward for our 10am-11am project meeting.

I was there 8.50am and I was really worried over everything. Since I know the way he is I was a bit unsure and thought he might be just messing with me after all. When he came we started a bit awkwardly with school stuff and such but after that we started talking about our pasts as truthfully as possible (we didn't want to scare each other that much).

He was honest, I was honest and in the end we agreed that this will work out.
We're both so messed up that it just has to work out.
We have some small problems but those will be sorted out as we have been talking about those since Monday morning.

We spent the whole day together on Monday, made our Swedish assignments together and after 3.30pm we headed out. After we got out we just looked at each other and decided that we'd go to a café and talk a bit more. We went to a café he likes and while I was trying to decide between tea and hot chocolate he looked at me and said he'd pay. I was really taken aback and happy.
We stayed there until the café closed around 5pm from 5pm to 6.15pm we were just hanging around and talking. After he took his bus I ran to the bus stop from where my buses usually leave. To be honest my heart was skipping a couple of beats since I was so happy.

At one point I said I was sorry for keeping him with me and the reply I got melted my heart.
"A. No one's keeping me and B.at the moment there's nowhere I'd rather be."

After I came home I was mostly dancing around happily, sent text messages, FB messages and talked on the phone. I was so happy.
For once I can be 100% myself in a relationship without being worried over my mask. I'm only afraid that he might get sick of me quite fast (like everyone else has) and break my heart even though I know that this could actually work until the end. It's terrible to be this happy yet insecure at the same time....

We sent each other heart warming text messages during the whole evening.
I was worried over the fact that he's allergic to cats (I love cats and own one) and he was worried over my perfume allergy.
But one of my favourite messages came after 12am while we were both still working on an assignment (and I was stressing over Tuesday's classes - presentation and Russian exam):

"Here comes the problem solver: did you get it to two pages already? If you did, why are you still working on it? If you didn't, focus on that instead of relevance. Russian quiz tests your current level, and thus does not require studying. And tomorrow's slides are tomorrow's problems! You NEED sleep!"
For once someone is worried of my stress levels.. (And now there are 3 peeps telling me to RELAX)

Tuesday Feb. 28th
I almost missed the bus with A. I was a bit late and while we were walking to the bus stop we had a talk and I mentioned that I finally had confessed to S. A was looking at me slightly confused "I thought that relationship status update was just a joke!"
THANK YOU. - Even S was laughing when I told him!

He came to school a couple of minutes after I did and we were both smiling like idiots - seriously. Of course I had to go to him immediately and we started talking. He was looking at me a bit worried since I had a presentation from 8.15am forward and he knows how easily I might freeze in front of the whole class............
We were talking, went to the class, sat next to each other and he was trying to make me feel better by saying that everything will go just fine (A's parts were perfect but I froze a couple of time and forgot words). I was happy after I got back to my seat and shook my head.

After that class we had Swedish and I felt bad while we had a small pair work. He was the one doing most of the work while I have hard time trying to adapt to studying 2 foreign languages in Finnish while my other classes are in a 3rd "foreign language". (I'm not afraid to claim that I'm bilingual - Finnish and English). 4 languages at the same time - not exactly for me..
Before the Swedish class started H came to me, smiled widely and asked "Who?" I smiled a bit and replied with "Well what do you think?" Her smile got even wider "Really?" and I just nodded.
Almost no one had the guts to ask from me on Monday - except T. She offered to reveal her boyfriend's name if I did the same but I wasn't that interested - it's her own decision whether she'll tell me or not. BUT she wouldn't drop it until I was standing next to S and S said that he wanted to know who T is going out with. T didn't get it so I had to hint that she had been "shipping" us since November if not earlier and she started smiling like crazy. She's just adorable and it was crazy how she still keeps on smiling when she sees me and S together (all the time).

But due to this relationship I've decided not to apply to universities this year. I've already been accepted to this school and even though school can be a b*tch at the times I've started to enjoy it. And I can't wait for the next school day - doesn't happen to me that often.

After Swedish we went to the cafeteria with J, laughed and had fun. J left right after eating and S was smiling at me and said it's quite sad how J seems lonely now that he has found better company.. :)
After lunch we had project related lectures and this is when I had some arguing with S and D (friendly arguing and I know they were mostly just having fun teasing me).
Ever since S realized that I mostly try to use British English while speaking (he uses American English) he's been trying to piss me off by imitating a British accent (which he can't do without sounding like an idiot).
"Please don't do that.." is what I usually ask but he just smiles and tells me he can't stop it because of my adorable/cute reaction to it.
And after that he started quoting our yesterday night's chat. Taking some parts out of the context didn't sound that good.........

Then we went to the 3rd floor waiting for our classes to start.. He studies Spanish while I take Russian classes. We were sitting next to each other and talked so of course every girl from our class who also attend the Russian classes came to us and started talking about the exam I couldn't care less at that point.
In the end I went to the exam a bit down and left after 10-15 minutes. I was waiting for L for some minutes since she promised to drive me home (we're kinda neighbours). While waiting I went to FB just to see him online and sent a couple of messages back and forth (mostly about Wednesday).

Me: "I seriously can't understand this. WHY do we have to spend 10 hours at school and have 4 skip hours."
Him: "Because fuck you, that's why. It just tells about the lack of communication at school"

During the evening things happened and I became pretty hysteric over everything (NOT in a good way - many reasons behind it) - ended up going to the bed before midnight.

Wednesday Feb. 29th
LEAP DAY! I woke up, ran around the room and to the bus stop (mailed 14 letters and 3 postcard envelopes this morning). And made it to school 8am (15 mins before the classes started). S was in the lobby and I just HAD to go to him and we talked a bit before I left for my Russian class. In the end my Russian exam went well and I got 4½/5 :)

After our language classes we met up and went elsewhere to spend our skip hours. We were mostly talking about our lives instead of the school work we should have been talking about.

We had lunch together and he had to wait for me since it takes forever from me to eat. We talked and had fun. I still can't understand this is happening and that I smile this much. He's going to Florida with his friends during week 13 and we talked about that. I mentioned my favourite Finnish band and he told me he'd love to come to the gig with me BUT he'll be in the States until April 5th while the gig is April 4th..

After lunch we went to the next class, sat to the back of the class and continued chatting and writing our law assignments. We were smiling and whispering during the class - just because it's much more fun that way.
I helped him, L and T (I'm 20 while they are 23-25) with law assignment after the class and when we were the last ones to leave the class he was shaking his head and looked at me.
"I usually laugh at people who act stupidly when they're in love but I just noticed I'm like that as well. I'd love to have the next class with you.." (we're in different groups in some classes because of our surnames). I smiled at him and mumbled "I've been thinking the exact same thing.."

In the end he asked the permission from the teacher to change to my group and it was okay. It was fun to continue the law assignment together and talk. We talked almost all the time and came to the same conclusion once again:
"Two people with similar pasts and background (our family history is totally different but otherwise our pasts are similar - we even have the same home town!), this just HAS to work out." And both of us made sure that the other one knows that. I've never been this sure and scared at the same time. I'm afraid to lose him because I want him to be an important part of my life.
And he keeps on calling me adorable and cute. :)

We had the class together from 4pm to 5pm (there were only 4 students in the class) and after that we walked to the centre together. We checked when our buses leave and went to have something to eat. We went, ate and talked for more than 1,5 hours laughing to the fact that we missed so many buses since neither wanted to go home. The other one won't be in there and we are both in love.
In the end he managed to catch 7.15pm bus while mine came 7.20pm.

When I checked my phone I had received one message from him right after he took his bus.
"Today is the first day I truly started to believe in US. I'm way too happy at the moment."

I can't wait for tomorrow OR Saturday when I'll be meeting his BFF.
And in 3 weeks I'll be in Tallinn doing the project and he'll be there with me.. I bet I'll drag him with me during the evenings when we have free time :)

~Lily

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