Wednesday, March 14, 2012

At times people are just way too hard to understand..






Tuesday and Wednesday have been okay days.
I had not that great of a day on Tuesday, worked on school things and didn't manage to study for the Russian exam. A bit before 8pm I got a breakdown, got angry at everything, grabbed my keys, phone and iPod with me and went out. I walked an an area where I wouldn't have gone at all when I was younger and surprisingly I felt quite safe..
I managed to get back around 8.30pm to get a call from him and even though I was a bit messed up I let him come over. We ended up talking, sending applications to various summer jobs around the Porvoo area and laughed. After we talked I felt a lot better and got to bed earlier than usually (I fell asleep before 11.30pm when usually I stay up until 1-2am.)

Something nice from yesterday:

"you have a way with words"
This was the first time someone has been complimenting my writing skills (face to face). I showed him some of my old blog posts - not allowing him to read my blog YET (he knows I have a blog and how much it means to me - I need it so that I can write things down in order to stay sane). I got a bit taken aback since this is only the 2nd time I've heard something positive about the way I write (another comment came from Aya-chan, about the way I write my letters :))

"You look sassy."
We were talking about the fact that I hadn't studied at all for my Russian exam and I was saying something about the fact that I'll get a proper grade even if I only get a 1 from the exam. I had some kind of a confident expression and that's what he said to me before I started laughing and asking what the heck does he mean with that. It was still quite fun.. :)

Today has been okay, I woke up 6.45am (first time around 6.10am and I changed the alarm time from 6.30 to 6.45), got out of the flat around 7.20am (a bit later than I expected - I made porridge this morning and tried to study something before the exam). I walked to school with him. I had the exam from 8.15am forward and I left the class 8.45am - I THINK I'll pass it though I did leave some parts empty. From 8.15am I started printing papers concerning the project we're doing right now and I finished the Russian portfolio before the next class that started at noon - after the lunch. After that I've been hanging out in the campus cafeteria trying to study for the exam and writing this blog post :)

The only thing that got me down before the class starting at 4pm was a message I got from a classmate/friend who's sick at the moment..

"actually, I was quite upset for S's reaction during *add teacher name here* feedback session so that I dont want to see his face but then you're with him so I need to go somewhere else"

S and A were kinda arguing over the report we made (the layout wasn't as the teacher would have wanted so we got a 0 - we have time until the Sunday on week 12 to fix everything and get a grade between 3 and 5). The bad result shocked A and she got a bit angry and started telling S what to do, S was already stressed over other things and well...... This is how it ended up. She won't spend any time with me because I'm with him.. GREAT.

Swedish exam tomorrow (just heard about it today - surprise exams are always oh so much fun!), there will be a party in the apartment next to mine so there will be a lot of noise until 1-4am and a Law exam on Friday (no idea what I should be doing~). Luckily the school days are quite short (Thur. 10am-2pm and Fr. 10am-3.30pm) so I can sleep longer than during these last 2-3 mornings..

I'm taking some more student loan due to the fact that I don't have enough time to get a job or make money in any other way (and the student money I get isn't nearly enough...). My mom would kill me if she knew but it's my life - my business - my mistakes and so on :) And I only took a small loan - so much that I get the 20-40€ more every month to be spent on FOOD. I've been losing some weight because I can't afford to eat properly and since my anemia seems to have gotten a bit worse again (eating the pills don't work all the time) I NEED to be able to buy proper food and EAT properly (We've had a small argue over this with S - he knows I've been suffering from eating disorder(s) and it shows now and then).
I hope I will get the loan and that things will get a bit better and easier - especially now that I've decided not to be dependent on my parents no matter what.

Hopefully I'll have some time to write after Friday~

~Lily

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