Wednesday, February 29, 2012

I still pinch myself now and then.

Don't read my upcoming posts for a while if you're not interested to hear how in love I am and such.

At the moment there's nothing I'd rather do than spend time with him, laugh like crazy and stay silent for a while just so that we can look each other into the eyes.
We've been hanging out with each other as much as we can since Monday and I can't wait to see how much more I can love him.
I'm not going to let him leave from my life that easily and he knows it.


Sunday, February 26, 2012

Something happened..


Who would've thought that a girl who hardly uses make up during school days would get a boy interested in her just by being herself and showing she's not afraid of being what she is. Girls in my class don't usually talk to me unless I'm with T or L (they are mostly adored by everyone) and I just don't give a damn.
The only thing I was afraid of was bringing up my feelings and I was afraid for no reason. He has liked me at least as long as I've liked him.

I was too excited to sleep last night. I was awake when the mail man brought today's newspaper and I started reading it. In the end I managed to fall asleep around 6am just to wake up less than 4 hours after that..
I just felt so good last night. My week had been a terrible one, I gave it a shot to make this week and month one of the worst in ages but it went a lot better than I had even imagined.
I asked help from two of my penpals before I confessed and thanks to them I did it. I needed a small push.

There have been texts back and forth since then and I couldn't be happier (yet stressed thanks to school. Seriously. 2 guys have told me to relax during today. JUST today. And I've been told that I'm a perfectionist and WAY too stressed.. And D won't stop calling me a scaredy cat.........)

Anyways. It has been a great day, had lots of butterflies in my stomach and back to school tomorrow~

Good night~


Saturday, February 25, 2012

Worst day.


Worst day in a while.
I had a job interview (a small tea house in Porvoo) on Wednesday - it went well and I enjoyed it. Today I had a chance to show my skills but it was a terrible experience. There were 3 girls trying to do the same thing, 3 normal workers AND a girl who just started today. So 4 girls were trying to do chores around the tea house while there was next to none customers.
SO I've practically given up hope for that one. I love the place and I'd LOVE to work there but when it's that disorganized..

I'm personally disorganized as well so I don't like when others are the same way.. For example I never know in which order I should reply to my letters.. (It's almost impossible for me to do that in order of receiving those so I usually just pick one up, read it and if it feels nice at the time I usually pick up a pen and write a reply).
AND I didn't manage to write a reply to all of the letters I had due to my lack of motivation (when I have the time to write I usually don't have the motivation to do so.....). And from tonight forward I'll be working on my assignments and I'll be back at school on Monday morning (meetings from 11am or 12pm forward BUT I'll be there around 9am with my dear friend A).

And the whole assignment thing has been a mess thanks to my childish classmates and 25 years old WOMEN complaining "I don't want to play with her....". At times I feel like I'm in a kindergarten instead of university... I blame this whole messed up generation for this. (I'm part of it so I have the right to complain.)
So our small group (a smaller group assignments) became even smaller and now there's only me and A doing a presentation about multilateralism and bilateralism in organizations - due on Tuesday. GREAT.

So I TRY to write 6 different assignment at the same time and check others' parts. YAY.
Tomorrow I'll be spending 6 hours with Russian&Finnish (tandem course with D since we weren't able to have a meeting on Wednesday).
And I'm a BIT worried over everything right now..
Lots of tea and everything sweet (and porridge) and I think I'll manage until 1-4am.. HOPEFULLY.

But here's some pictures of what I managed to do during my holiday:

Left (up to down): postcards to China, Japan and Russia
Right (up to down): Finland, South Korea, Germany, Finland, Luxembourg, Germany, Finland, Finland (didn't take pictures of the others as I only did something special to these envelopes - for now)

to Finland

to Finland

to Germany

to South Korea

to Russia

to China

to Japan

to Germany

to Finland

to Finland

to Luxembourg

to Finland

to Finland

to Finland

And thanks to my assignments I won't be able to continue letter writing so I can't reach my goal of "0 letters to reply" by February 29th :( I hate this.

The only thing that does cheer me up is the fact that I've been texting with him and one of the text ended with:

"One of my buddies/friends mentioned that I had told him(? - in Finland we only have one word for the 3rd person - the gender doesn't matter) things on Wednesday that I couldn't personally remember. SO I was thinking, have I said something peculiar at school that I should know of?"
I was smiling while reading that and replied with:
"Nothing that I can think of" even though he did say nice things to me ;)


Thursday, February 23, 2012


I promised to post about Chuck's cats since I fell in love with her lovely fluffy cat Miska. :)
So here are some photos of her cats Miska and Sani and a couple of pics of my cutesy half blind slaughterer Nasse :)

Sani! :D

Miska x3 Isn't she the cutest?? >3<

Miska and Chuck's dog (I'm afraid of dogs D:)
Whenever he can find some kind of a bag..

as you can see his other eye is blind :(

Need to continue letter writing and hope that I will get a job for the summer :)


Wednesday, February 22, 2012


I had a great day on Friday though it didn't feel like one when I woke up.. I had slept 6 hours during the night (1am-7am - damn you school work.) and I had to wake up early to pack my stuff and clean the house since I was leaving to my dad's place for this week (winter vacation! \(^__^)/). So I ran around the apartment getting everything together and left around 8.15am for the bus. Apparently I dropped one of my gloves while I was taking the trash out but luckily I found it and I was at school a bit before 9am when my Tallinn group was supposed to have a meeting - one of the Estonian girls had already left to Estonia and the Russian girl was in a dentist (the Russian girl's reason I understand but not the Estonian girl's! We had scheduled this meeting ages ago but still she left!). I was the first one there, then came S, the #2 Estonian girl and D (a Russian guy with whom I have extra language (Russian) lessons). The Swedish students (3) who were supposed to help us were over 30mins late but in the end everything went well and 90% of the first draft of our plan is ready.

From 10am forward I had a meeting with another group - another project/assignment. Me and S were there already (he joined our group when I told him about the assignment a while ago - he hadn't heard about it - and asked him to join us. Back then we only had 3 people while the teacher said there should be 4-5 students. So S was our 4th and after him came L. :)) In the end H was late as always - though she had been at school since 8.15, A missed her bus so she was a bit late (NOT like her at all!) and L came LATE. (now the plan is 90% ready - the only things missing are L's parts.)

We had a chat about the project and S was kinda complaining to A and H that their parts were 12-15 pages long while the WHOLE assignment should be max. 10 pages. (he's the one putting everything together.. Just this morning I got a message from him saying that my parts were "quite exquisite" - at the moment the assignment is 20 pages long thanks to A and H......) We talked about everything else (for example the inheritable diseases we have) after a short meeting and went to the cafeteria around 11am.

Surprisingly me, S, A and H sat around the same table (usually H joins her other friends and at times S sits with other guys) and talked a bit. S was still a bit under medication (had a small surgery on Valentine's day - I feel like a stalker since I know about these but he's the one who has told me everything). We talked about the Finnish prom and everything that has to do with high school. A was asking about Finnish high school and in the end we started talking about the graduation cruise. And I (of course) had to point out that I was molested/groped by my friend during the cruise. S almost choked in his water and looked at me for a while before opening his mouth.
S: "Did you know you're amazing?"
Me: (a bit confused)"..............yeah..?"
S: "To bring up in a normal conversation that your friend groped you during the cruise! That's awesome!"

And he was serious. He thinks I'm amazing while A and H were just staring at me unable to say a thing. (Note to self: need to thank my dad and brother since I became like this by hanging out with them a little too much during my childhood and teen years). I was proud of myself.. Kinda.. I can look girly and act a bit girly but thanks to the fact that I spent most of my childhood with male friends I'm still the tomboy I used to be.

After lunch we went to our first lesson of the day (seriously, we came to school at 9am while the school started at 12pm!!) and since my female friends decided to go to powder their noses etc. I went ahead with S. We had a laugh, I made him listen to Frontside Ollie (he hates it but I had to confess to him that the song is my guilty pleasure - seriously.) and THIS ;) (You're welcome ;))
And there we were - just the two of us laughing at the silly lyrics and having fun until the class started. During the class neither of us was listening to the teacher (I never listen to them :S)

I was talking to him while uploading some of my newest photoshoot pictures to my facebook account. Then the chat just died and I started browsing internet and then I heard something right next to me:

I immediately looked at him, he was looking at one of my newest photoshoot pics and then at me.
"I can tell it's you only because I know it but otherwise.. That's just awesome. I'm still under the meds so I blame them for being this straightforward but, you're adorable"
I was just looking at him thinking he must be crazy or something and everything I managed to get out of my mouth was:
"Are you serious?" (with a tone of "You're just messing with me")
He looked at me, straight to my eyes (I usually avoid eye contact no matter who I hang out with - I just feel a bit too exposed when I look into someone's eyes. (Even D has noticed it and we even had a talk about it).
"I'm serious"
I was looking back at him (love his eyes) and smiled a bit. I felt happy and uncomfortable at the same time as I didn't know how to react. I seriously thought I was blushing while I smiled and managed to mumble "Thanks" while looking back at my computer.
I swear I would have been jumping up and down if I wasn't this good with controlling my emotions. But I did have giggling fits throughout the day from that moment forward and most of the time he was just looking at me and shaking his head. (even J and P were looking at me and wondered what the heck was wrong with me as I've never before have had giggling fits in front of people).

After that painful class (for example Kimmy called and like I'd have my mobile turned off during the day so it started ringing and S was grinning at me "I bet it's not your mobile." and even my teacher was looking at me but she was surprisingly smiling) and the quickest assignment ever we (me, S and J) went to the cafeteria to buy some soda before our next class and we had a talk - can't remember the subject but still~). When we went to the classroom we were talking about the weirdest presents we've gotten. I brought up a cat bag Kimmy bought for me as a Christmas present in 2007 or 2008. J said that I should upload a photo before he went quiet and gave me a glare. "But we're not friends." and in this case he means facebook friends. To be honest I don't like J that much especially since when he's online he tries to get as much attention as possible - he has been in my friends but I deleted him from there because of some drastic changes in my life and I only let my closest friends to know about it.
Luckily S was sitting between us. He looked at me and J and smiled a bit. "I can sense some hostility around here". And it became quite quiet until I managed to open my mouth again and changed the topic. Then P came started talking about something with S and after a while all I could hear was (in Indian-Australian accent) "Did you ask me to pork it in??"
of course I burst out laughing as did S - and I didn't let it drop. What can I say, guys are hilarious. :D So the class was quite hilarious and we had fun.

When we were packing things up I was talking with P and S and giggling. P asked what was wrong with me and S started - referring to me "He was just-"
"SHE." I interrupted him.
S looked at me immediately and looked a bit shocked.
"Did I say he? I'm so sorry."
And our class' perfect student came there with a great big smile on her lips.
"What's happening?" (she's okay..)
S looked at her and told her he had just referred me as a he. So of course our princess put her hand on my back.
"Oh I'm so sorry Lily."
And as she left S packed the rest of the stuff and was shaking his head a bit.
"I don't know if it's the meds but I really am sorry this time."
I smiled and was happy that for once he had been sorry since you can't always read him. We went to the lobby together talking and walked out. I saw my bus coming, said bye to him and ran to the bus stop (I haven't ran that fast after I quit sports when I was 11-12). I managed to get into the bus and sent a text message to him. "I made it! Have a great winter holiday!" and I got a reply back almost immediately :)
BUT. A little after I sent him the message I realized I was in a wrong bus (JUST.MY.LUCK.) so I ended up walking almost 2kms more than I usually need to. But I was happy. I had a great day and a slight mistake wasn't enough to disappoint me.
I even got a letter to read during the bus trip to my dad's place :)
And since Friday I've been at my dad's place relaxing and trying so hard to learn Russian that I could update my relationship status to "married with Russian grammar book" :)

I really like S and I hope I get the courage to confess to him though some say that I should just stay as his friend while my other friends can't wait to meet him..... I hope I get the courage soon as I'd be on the top of the world if he'd say he feels the same..


Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Was I drunk the entire relationship?

Remember the time before facebook and proper internet connections?
Hardly? Then you're like me!
I was browsing through my FB pages last Wednesday, sent a message to my friend who sent me a Friend's day card (in Finland Valentine's is mostly celebrated between friends, it's not a lovers' day like in elsewhere). I saw that one of her friends and I have 3 friends in common, I checked her page and saw a familiar name "in a relationship with.................MY EX (before the FB time)". I checked his page and smiled a bit - happy that I moved on after a year of breaking up and getting together again.. At the moment he looks like one of the guys I despise. WHAT WAS I THINKING!?!?!


Thursday, February 16, 2012

Strip It All away

"Take what you want,
Steal my pride, build me up or cut me down to size
Shut me out but I'll just scream
I'm only one voice in a million,
But you ain't taking that from me!"
-Natasha Bedingfield - Strip Me

Apparently (and to my luck) he hasn't read my blog after all (or if he has he didn't get it/doesn't care about it) as this morning he came straight to me and we chatted a while. AND I ended up being late from my Russian class :) GREAT.

After Russian I went to eat with L and 2 H's (they're the best friends at the moment - both can be quite tiring from time to time which is why I usually don't spend time with them). THEN was the Swedish class and I heard about the last lesson from both S and J (I seriously get along with guys a lot better than with girls..) and had a laugh. During the classes I was mostly thinking about everything else except school work~ (I'm such a diligent student).
After 2pm I went to a small "classroom" with A, H, S and L to work on our destination report (my part is still unfinished - deadline tomorrow). We had fun talking about everything else while we were writing and promised to have another meeting tomorrow.

During this week I've noticed that even though I seem to be quite lazy I mostly get good grades, work with assignments almost everyday and I'm now and then helping others out (I'm a workaholic at times.. SCARY.) And on top of that I'm strong and independent. I'm starting to come in terms with that, I don't need a man to define me. I'm happy on my own. I can even joke about the fact that most of my friends would probably be surprised that I'd be dating instead of congratulating me :) "Are YOU dating??"


Yesterday went fast.. I spent almost 11 hours at school (8am-6.40pm) thanks to the frigging maths exam (had to retake it).

Today I'm still going to another Russian class from 6pm forward. Hopefully it doesn't take more than 2-3 hours because I still need to work on some things and I want to sleep~
Tomorrow at school from 9m to 3.30pm even though my first class starts at noon.. I have a meeting at 9am with my Tallinn group and then from 10am forward with Destination report group - me and S are both in those groups........


ps. Got some mail today - won't be posting anything about it for a while since my camera died D: and next week I'll be dedicating to letters~

pps.And the songs I'm currently listening to over and over again~

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Mail (week 6) + other things~

I was pretty surprised to notice that I got some mail each day last week. I bet this week will be a LOT quieter as I don't have the time to write anything until I've finished my assignments and I've been thinking 'bout sending all of the letters I haven't replied yet on February 29th - just because of the day :D The next 29th will be in 4 years so why shouldn't I post lots of letters that day? :3

But anyhow~
Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I already opened my chocolate bar and started eating just for the fun of it. And on top of that I guess he was reading my blog so I'd really love to crawl under my bed and stay there for the next week........
I had a short spontaneous photoshoot with Kimmy yesterday and I got a couple of nice photos (the top was only a "scarf" so in a way I was half naked but thanks to my bra I didn't feel naked)

me as the model
Photos © Kimmy
(retouch, make-up and styling by her as well)

Here's the mail I sent out last week:

Package to Aya-chan/Lithuania and a postcard to R/USA

The mail I received Mon-Fri:

Monday's letter came from South Korea

Tuesday: Photos I ordered and postcards from China

Wednesday was a bit better mail day :) Postcard from Taiwan, letter from Finland and 2 letters from Germany

Thursday's and Friday's mail - letter from Finland (got that book with it :3) and 3 letters (from USA, Poland and Taiwan)

Yesterday I received one letter but I think I'll post the picture of it on Friday :)

Take care and have a great mail week~


Sunday, February 12, 2012


The long weekend in Lappeenranta was great. I was able to relax and stop thinking about school work for 4 days!

On Thursday I reached Lappeenranta around 5.30pm and waited for Chuck (sorry luv) for a while and E-P came about an hour later. We went to Chuck's place and met her lovely dog Malik (I'm shit scared whenever I meet a new dog) and 2 cats Miska and Sani :3
We spent the evening updating one another, exchanging Christmas presents (and birthday gifts) and drinking tea.

Tangled/Rapunzel calendar I asked Chuck to get me (she got a Moomin mug from me :))

Tardis t-shirt from E-P! I LOVE it!!
She got tea and Doctor Who calendar from me :)

On Friday Chuck went to work and me and E-P went shopping during that time. I bought new shoes (12,45€), some letter paper and envelopes (9,80€) and we went to the coffee house and I personally spent there a bit over 9€..

my new babies :3 from DinSko

one of the two letterpapers I bought from Suomalainen kirjakauppa

After we did some shopping we went and waited for Chuck to get off from work and we took off to her place to watch tv and eat a LOT. On Friday we saw "Third Star" (Benedict Cumberbatch) and "Bunraku" (Gackt - never knew his English is that good).

On Saturday we watched a movie I decided, "The Other Boleyn Girl" (BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH IN THIS ONE AS WELL!!!!)

and after that "The King's Speech".
A lot happened and in the evening we were sitting and watching videos from youtube. When we started watching videos of David Tennant E-P said that Tennant smiles exactly like I do. I don't know about that but that's what she said

Another thing she said was: "You would have gorgeous babies together!! Just look at how much you resemble each other!!"

Today we woke up late, had breakfast and little by little we packed our things and left. I already miss my two Cumberladies :)

So this is how I spent my weekend (apart from worrying over him).

Anyone else how already has some chocolate ready to eat all alone on Valentine's day? This is exactly why I prefer the Finnish version of the day better ("Ystävänpäivä" = "Friend's day") it's not about lovers but friends and friendships/relationships! But still.. I've bought gifts for myself so I don't feel all alone although I'll be spending the evening with Maths and a project...........