Sunday, October 2, 2011

The sharp knife of a short life

"If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song"
- The Band Perry - If I Die Young


"I've had just enough time"

I've been really stressed lately because I was kinda kicked out and I'm waking up every morning around 6am (latest) and take a bus or get a ride to school.. I don't get along with my classmates (Finnish ones) as they prefer all being with girls who are blonde and wear a lot of make up.. I'm not blonde nor do I wear make up. I have a bad skin so I don't want to make it even worse with make up..
I do get along with some guys at school.. S is quite nice and at times it's extremely fun to talk with him - for example during the Stockholm trip. I don't drink more than 1-2 ciders/drinks a day if I drink. I don't want to get drunk and I have family members that have big problems with alcohol so I don't want to take the risk... And S doesn't drink at all.
We had a chat about the fact that white people can't dance (we're both white) and many other things.
At some point I said that some say my song should be Simple Plan's Untitled. After a while he said that it doesn't sound at all like me. I seem outgoing (a bit shy) and really happy almost all the time. I smiled a bit and said that I've been battling with depression for years. And that was that.
After that we just chatted a bit and around 2am I went to the cabin area with him as all of my friends wanted to continue partying..

I've had a hard time with school but I've noticed that some songs and a big cup of tea help me to relax :)
Apart from school and getting kicked out (and being depressed) I've had some problems with my love life. I have a crush and at first I hoped that this time things would work out. We've known for a while (over a year) and we chat quite often (or at least we used to). But I didn't confess when I had the chance to and now I've realized it was for the best.. I'm not that important..

At times I'm even scared to call my friends.. People are busy doing their things so I feel like I shouldn't bother them with small things..


"A penny for my thoughts,
Oh no,
I'll sell em' for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
and maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singing
funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"


  1. aw, sad to hear you don't get along with those girls, but now I can say we're the same! I'm not a blond as well and don't wear make up for my bad skin too and that's why I feel like standing out among all of those pretty girls in my group and they are not interested in me at all. I can understand you for that and don't worry, you're not alone :)

  2. Good to hear that.. :)
    I've thought of myself as a weirdo because I don't wear make up or dye my hair blond all the time.. :)