Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Insecure.


I don't know whether it's the depression talking or not but lately I've felt out of place, forgotten and most of all lonely.
I could have sent messages but I have this feeling that some people I'd love to talk after a long while have something better to do than listening to me.
Bad things have happened around me lately and I'm still shattered because of those..
But no matter what has happened those things bother me. I'd like to talk about those with people but they don't want to hear about my minor problems...

Too bad escaping to the world of books to look for some comfortment hasn't been working lately. I can't sit still and read more than 2 pages without getting anxious and starting to think about something else - something unpleasant.

Writing a proper letter has also been impossible.. I just can't sit and write a letter, not now. I've received a couple of letters from penpals who act like they wouldn't even want to write with me - and these are letters from people who asked to start write with me and the letters are one of the first ones.. WHY? Why now?

Wish I could open up to people right now but I'm scared they'd just push me even further away from themselves.. Some have already pushed me so far away that I don't even dare to send them a message to ask how they're doing.. And they wouldn't even bother to think about me..

And everyone around me belong to some big group or are a part of something bigger.. Then there's me. Totally out of placed and standing in the corner trying to hide away because I'm an outsider to everyone. The last one that's called when everyone else says no or have something better to do. I'm the last one...

People say that I'm strong but I'm not.. I just act like everything's okay and that I'm under control even though I'm bleeding inside. Like today. People who know nothing about my situation didn't see anything different in my act. I looked a bit more tired with next to nothing amount of sleep but that was it. Some people kept looking at me through the classes as they knew about my situation but whenever someone talked to me the subject was travelling, schools or exchange year and the prices...

Pictures via

Wish I had someone near to whom I could really talk to... it's not enough to meet some people once or twice a year........ I need someone to laugh and cry with no matter what the time is....

No comments:

Post a Comment