Monday, October 31, 2011

Weekend was the best I've had in a long time but it was all over way too fast.
I loved staying up late and waking up early as well as walking in a foggy city and talking about Silent Hill. I found a lovely mailbox I had to buy and now it's my treasure. Bought lots of tea and honey, drank even more tea and ran to the bathroom with 2 other tea addicts.

4 cats and a big dog(I bet he thinks he's just a little chihuahua) plus 3 teaholics and our mascot Dr. Sherlock Smith. I'm afraid of dogs but Raven's "little" doggy was just adorable. Wish I could have taken him or Mikki (little round kitty :3) with me :)

Now it's all over. I'm starting to write NaNoWriMo(National Novel Writing Month)'s novel tomorrow as well as move, I'm starting to plan the applications to Scottish universities as well as read my favourite teacher's book. I almost cried when X gave it to me.. I miss last year SO much and M was so inspiring!
I also started watching Supernatural (thanks for the 1st season X) and I have lots of books to read starting from Pornland and the Satanic Bible.

I've talked to some people about me changing my name and getting rid off my first name.. From the messages I've received I have had this feeling that most people don't understand why I'm doing it nor do they support me. I have my personal reasons and I hoped people would understand me a bit more.. But no. I'm a bit sad thanks to the lack of support but I hope things will get better bit by bit.
Haven't talked about my home situation to no one either and I won't talk about it until I feel like I can open up about it. I tell something small to people who ask about it but that's it. I open up when I feel like it and when I did felt like talking (when it happened) there was no one to listen.

I've also gotten some nasty comments about me trying to apply to universities in Scotland. There's only S that has been supporting the moment she heard about it "I need to start knitting scarfs and such for you - the winters in Scotland are cold. ESPECIALLY in the houses without proper heating!". Others have asked why the heck I'm even trying "like you could even get in". Thank you for that. I know now who to talk to and who to drop little by little unless something changes. My dad is a bit supporting but he wants to know more about the financial side..
Will try to check that out during this week and then start to write the applications and send those before January :))


Tuesday, October 25, 2011


I don't know whether it's the depression talking or not but lately I've felt out of place, forgotten and most of all lonely.
I could have sent messages but I have this feeling that some people I'd love to talk after a long while have something better to do than listening to me.
Bad things have happened around me lately and I'm still shattered because of those..
But no matter what has happened those things bother me. I'd like to talk about those with people but they don't want to hear about my minor problems...

Too bad escaping to the world of books to look for some comfortment hasn't been working lately. I can't sit still and read more than 2 pages without getting anxious and starting to think about something else - something unpleasant.

Writing a proper letter has also been impossible.. I just can't sit and write a letter, not now. I've received a couple of letters from penpals who act like they wouldn't even want to write with me - and these are letters from people who asked to start write with me and the letters are one of the first ones.. WHY? Why now?

Wish I could open up to people right now but I'm scared they'd just push me even further away from themselves.. Some have already pushed me so far away that I don't even dare to send them a message to ask how they're doing.. And they wouldn't even bother to think about me..

And everyone around me belong to some big group or are a part of something bigger.. Then there's me. Totally out of placed and standing in the corner trying to hide away because I'm an outsider to everyone. The last one that's called when everyone else says no or have something better to do. I'm the last one...

People say that I'm strong but I'm not.. I just act like everything's okay and that I'm under control even though I'm bleeding inside. Like today. People who know nothing about my situation didn't see anything different in my act. I looked a bit more tired with next to nothing amount of sleep but that was it. Some people kept looking at me through the classes as they knew about my situation but whenever someone talked to me the subject was travelling, schools or exchange year and the prices...

Pictures via

Wish I had someone near to whom I could really talk to... it's not enough to meet some people once or twice a year........ I need someone to laugh and cry with no matter what the time is....

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Thursday's mail and handmade envelopes.

So I received one surprise and a card from Portugal and a letter from Finland on Thursday. After that I haven't received anything but last night I had this urge to try to make a couple of envelopes on my own.. I looked through some of my magazines and found lots of great pictures but in the end I only made 8 envelopes and now I'm trying 2 to see should I continue making those or do those get destroyed in the mail (HOPE NOT!)

So I sent one to a Finnish pal and one to Portugal as a test, wrote something small and asked them to send me a message or a photo of the envelope. Let's hope those will survive!!

Here's the mail:

Hatsune Miku card and a lovely envelope from S/Portugal

Letter from a Finnish pal (+Moomin stamp :3)

And the envelopes: (Christina Aguilera envelope is missing - sorry for that)

Twilight (Bella&Edward) and Keira Knightley(?)

Arc Angel (manga/manhwa) and someone's drawing from NEO magazine.

Ghost in the Shell, Naruto and Trinity Blood

And the sent ones:

To S/Portugal

To Finland :))))

What do you think? :) My first attempt to make envelopes by myself ^^


Thursday, October 20, 2011

Proper English.

Why can't people use proper English when they send messages to strangers?
I got 3 messages yesterday written with these oh so popular "u, r, y?, ur, any1" etc. and those really put me off and bother me. When I asked to receive messages with proper English he started calling me liar, player, not mature enough and said he wanted nothing to do with me.
What the-?
And he was supposed to be a lot older than I am..

Luckily I have people around me whom I need and at least they know how to write properly..
Who does even send messages like that to strangers - ESPECIALLY when they're OVER 20??????
I understand teenagers and such but ADULTS!
And no, I'm not talking about text messages but emails and other messages online.


Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Received Mail (Mon-Wed)

Surprisingly this week has been pretty good mail week :) Only 2 letters but one book order and lots of postcards :3
I haven't written anything after Sunday because there's been things happening in my life, ONCE again..

Monday's mail:

Jetoy card via Postcrossing forum Kawaii/Cute RR (love the stamp as well!)

card from N/Thailand :)

I like the stamp :3

Tuesday's mail:

Letter from P/Germany

Postcrossing card from Taiwan

LUV the stamp! :3

Camilla d'Errico card♥ LOVE it! from Netherlands via postcrossing forum kawaii/cute RR

And my precious♥

Wednesday's mail:

Letter from H/Scotland

from Finland via postcrossing forum (erityistoive-/suosikkialbumi hippa)

Fantasy-art tag from Greece (via postcrossing forums) LUV the card! :)

and the stamp :3


Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Domestic violence.

How long do people stand being abused before going to the police?

Sunday, October 16, 2011

I ♥ mail #2

Tomorrow will be Monday and I keep my fingers crossed and hope I'll receive Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass in the mail. I've been waiting for it so long!
But since I still had one more day to catch up with the letters (even though it feels like I haven't written almost anything) I chose to write a couple of letters - one took nearly 4 hours!

To L/Canada - Written Oct 16th

To M/Finland - Written Oct 15th

To K/Finland - Written Oct 15th

To J/Finland - Written Oct 15th

Letter to Y/Israel - Written Oct 16th

Letter to A/Lithuania - Written Oct 16th

And this is it for this weekend. My hand is dying and my eyes hurt. I'm going to make a cup of tea and watch tv. Will be posting the letters tomorrow morning since it's really dark outside and believe it or not I'm afraid of the dark :S
I also wrote a letter to J/USA but since the envelope is plain white without anything special I didn't take a photo of it - it's just like the envelope to M/Finland - even with the same stamp! :)

Looking forward to mailwoman's visit!


Saturday, October 15, 2011

I ♥ mail

Lately I haven't really received anything (except Maria's letter but anyways~)
I've been writing letters faster and more than I have in a LONG while (never been this behind!) so after I wrote some letters last week I took photos and today I've written 3 letters and packed 2 swaps to my Sri Lankan friend.. Here are the photos:
And yes, I censored the addresses (paint) for privacy reasons. :)

Letter to E/Finland - written Oct 15th.

Letter to Salla/Finland - written Oct 15th.

First letter to a new penpal E from Kazakhstan - written Oct 15th.

Swaps to M/Sri Lanka - packed Oct 15th (letter sheets & envelopes).

Letters - Up left to right - H from Scotland(male pal) and K from Japan.
Down left to right - A from Finland and E from South Korea.
All letters written Oct 7th. Sent Oct 10th.

Postcards to postcard pals left to right - N from Thailand, A from Finland and Y from Taiwan :)
Written Oct 7th, sent Oct 10th.

I also wrote a letter back to Maria Oct 13th and sent it 14th (didn't took a photo but it looked like the envelope I'm sending to Salla.
I also wrote letters on Oct 6th to M/Finland, N/Canada (an exchange student from Finland - childhood friend), R/USA, S/Germany(male pal) and M/Ukraine. But unfortunately I didn't take photos of those.. Especially M's envelope was great :))
- At the moment I have 4 male pals if someone's wondering :) - Germany, Israel, Scotland and France :)


Doctor Who?

Lately everyone around me have been listening to me talking about Doctor Who.
I LOVE that series and now that I've finally caught up with it I have this empty feeling inside.. Have to wait until December 25th for the Christmas special and then until autumn 2012.... .__.

The last episode of 6th season was just brilliant and I had this HUGE fangirl moment during the 8th episode of 6th series:

Rose Tyler moments even though the Doctor has changed!! :3

I'm planning on starting the series from the "start" (2005) because after seeing 6 series (at least 86 episodes, at least 3870 minutes) I'm sure I've forgotten some episodes that didn't include that many Doctor/Rose fangirl moments :)

At first I wouldn't watch any episodes after David Tennant left the series because..
1) No more Tennant ;;__;;
2) the Doctor wouldn't be the same
3) No more Russell T. Davies BUT Steven Moffat
4) Don't like Moffat because he writes the scariest DW episodes

But after seeing one episode of the 6th series from tv in Wales I decided to give Matt Smith a try and in the end I started to like Smithy as well as Moffat :)


I've never before loved any series THIS much or loved an actor as much as I love Tennant.
I won't forgive BBC if they'll end Doctor Who in 2013 as the rumors say! D:



Thursday, October 13, 2011

Happy Failday!

In Finland we're celebrating Failday today!!
It's something about being open about your failures and making failing a bit more accepted or something.. GOD KNOWS!
It was a GREAT day to have our first math exam.. We'll see how it went.. And now I'm waiting for the Finnish lesson to start around 2pm.. :S And Swedish presentation is still not ready :S
I really hope I'll be able to take some time off next week and concentrate on relaxing and writing letters.. :))
But we'll see.. :)

My goal is to send a reply to every letter I now have by October 24th..

I'm also planning on watching the rest of Doctor Who's 6th series soon.. I'm now watching the 12th episode but the gay subplots are little by little starting to bother me.. :/ Seriously!! How many times can they kill Rory and try to pair the Doctor with different men??? D:


Sunday, October 9, 2011

Good News

After the mental breakdown I experienced last Sunday and a couple of days I stayed at home I thought things would get better bit by bit.

I managed to pay the flight ticket back to Finland and now I just need to wait until December 14th to spend 4 full days in London (December 14th-19th). I'm happy but now and then I'm wondering whether I should have gone to Portugal (it's a bit warmer in there! :)). But anyways, I'm happy that I'm going back there once again and will be able to go shopping (especially in Paperchase :))

I started catching up with the letters and postcards as well.. School kept me really busy and stressed so I hadn't really written anything for two months.. But now I've already written 9 letters (on Thursday and Friday - I spent a lazy gaming day yesterday as no one was missing me or needed me :)) and I still have some letters to write but I think I'll catch up with those latest on week 42 which I'm going to spend at home and near Vaasa - meeting cousins and so on.. D: (I don't really like my cousins......)

And I got a quick reply from the housing company, I'm moving back to Porvoo in November - too busy with school and other things until then so.. :) And what makes me even more happy about this is the fact that I'll be V's and S's neighbour :) But I don't know who my roommate will be.. :S

And I have plans for Halloween as well :) It was nice to get a message from a friend asking to meet her during Halloween. Of course I said yes! I need to meet someone or else I'll go crazy!

But I guess I need to continue letter writing. :)


Friday, October 7, 2011

If You've Ever Loved Somebody Put Your Hands Up

Christina Grimmie's voice gives me goosebumps!
The song is even better than the original (BY FAR!) and I can't stop listening to it!

No wonder why Liisakee made a LOVELY DW video to the cover :)

Have a great weekend~


Sunday, October 2, 2011

The sharp knife of a short life

"If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song"
- The Band Perry - If I Die Young


"I've had just enough time"

I've been really stressed lately because I was kinda kicked out and I'm waking up every morning around 6am (latest) and take a bus or get a ride to school.. I don't get along with my classmates (Finnish ones) as they prefer all being with girls who are blonde and wear a lot of make up.. I'm not blonde nor do I wear make up. I have a bad skin so I don't want to make it even worse with make up..
I do get along with some guys at school.. S is quite nice and at times it's extremely fun to talk with him - for example during the Stockholm trip. I don't drink more than 1-2 ciders/drinks a day if I drink. I don't want to get drunk and I have family members that have big problems with alcohol so I don't want to take the risk... And S doesn't drink at all.
We had a chat about the fact that white people can't dance (we're both white) and many other things.
At some point I said that some say my song should be Simple Plan's Untitled. After a while he said that it doesn't sound at all like me. I seem outgoing (a bit shy) and really happy almost all the time. I smiled a bit and said that I've been battling with depression for years. And that was that.
After that we just chatted a bit and around 2am I went to the cabin area with him as all of my friends wanted to continue partying..

I've had a hard time with school but I've noticed that some songs and a big cup of tea help me to relax :)
Apart from school and getting kicked out (and being depressed) I've had some problems with my love life. I have a crush and at first I hoped that this time things would work out. We've known for a while (over a year) and we chat quite often (or at least we used to). But I didn't confess when I had the chance to and now I've realized it was for the best.. I'm not that important..

At times I'm even scared to call my friends.. People are busy doing their things so I feel like I shouldn't bother them with small things..


"A penny for my thoughts,
Oh no,
I'll sell em' for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
and maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singing
funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"