Friday, July 1, 2011
Umm.. I don't know..
I really don't feel like celebrating at all.. What I need is 2 friends and LOTS of tea. I want to sit down and just talk with some people, laugh and share experiences after a while. What I realized is that it won't be possible during my "party".. There are just too many people but the only reason I sent so many invitations is:
"If I invite her, I have to invite her and also her so that no one would be offended or anything"
My last birthday wasn't like I expected it to be. I felt left out (just like during Desucon). At my own home - MY party. And at times no one even noticed me, people just kept talking in the small group - the one I don't feel like I belong to anymore. I'm not nearly as good as they are and it hurts. Which is one reason why I'm quitting cosplay. I don't want to be part of that world anymore, it seems nice as usually people don't smoke or drink alcohol but it's still a nightmare at times. People start talking shit around your back as soon as you get a bit more known (I've noticed it while I've been listening to some "chats" now and then) and there's the "elite". At first I imagined it would be the perfect hobby but not anymore.....
Back to the celebration~
I've been thinking about leaving to somewhere else during that weekend. Maybe a summer cottage in Finland or a weekend trip to UK.. I could relax and I wouldn't have to act really happy if I'm not.. And I wouldn't feel left out.. I just need a big cup of tea and 2 people to talk to (I bet you know who you are!)