Monday, January 31, 2011

A message I got from an African guy.

And I didn't edit it at all (my roommate can prove it. I even left the mistakes to be there. -__-)


Its gives me a great pleasure writting you this letter.How are you dowing?Hope you are dowing fine.I came across you at interpals and hoping to make a relationship with you.

Am 23 yrs now with a hazel eyes and black hair,5.6 ft tall and average build. I had been leaving with my parents in the city, but now lives in school,because of my exams i do spend time with friends over mails were from the school cafe and i enjoy been accompanied with good friends and loves sex in one partner at a time .

There is an English proverb which says that It doesn't take much time for two to love each other .It all need trust,commitments and seriousness to get into nice relationship. for me handsomeness,money,Age,Race or religion doesn't count for me as long as there is understanding and love between both parties. Anyway it is totally your choice to accept or ignore my friendship but what I personal want is a Good relationship too that will yield something good in future, not just ordinary if you really cares for in-termite relationship as said, OK no problem,You are highly welcome to my life,

I hope to hear from you soon. take care of your self and keep your mind,soul and body awake for love.My regards to all in your family.My face book name is Omar Jallow i have my pictures there

Ever One,
Alpha omar

THAT kind of messages I get at least once a week (3!!!!! during this Monday) Guess how mad I am!! I'm seriously NOT looking for a relationship now and I think it's clearly shown on my profile!!! -__- So yeah..
I really need the sleep now so I can continue ignoring these messages. -__-


Me Needs...

(Not a "normal" blog post.. And I'm NOT sorry for that :'D)

Elricest(Or EdXRoy). COSPLAY. Anime. RPGs (video games + internet (writing) RPGs) andandand.. Time would be lovely as well.. THANK YOU SANTA!!! (if you can make my wish come true)

WHY those things?

First of all..

ELRICEST is the best pairing ever 83 I LOVE it :3

Photo editing ©Ninnu
Ninnu as the best Al there is (the left one) me as Ed :3

And RoyXEd/EdXRoy.. I really need to buy more doujinshis about those two.. I know the 4 that I have by heart already D:

awws x3

God I miss cosplay ;__; Haven't been cosplaying in a LOOOOOOOOOOOOO~NG time and I REALLY miss it :(

Next year I have at least 5(?) "new" cosplays.. :S

Nana Osaki from NANA
Ciel Phantomhive from Kuroshitsuji
Hatsune Miku from Vocaloid (Duke Venomania's Madness Version)
Patricia "Patty" Thompson from Soul Eater
Hayner from Kingdom Hearts II (Cosplay will be borrowed as Roxas cosplays were :))

So yeah.. The one I'm currently waiting most is Hatsune Miku.. :3 It'll be great to cosplay as her (NOT the usual costume she has) and this time the cosplayer is skinny :3 Somehow I feel a bit bad everytime I see someone who is a bit overweighed cosplaying as a skinny character.. :/

If the character looks like this shouldn't you be at least almost as skinny as she is (but let's not forget that the character isn't real so.. :))

And old cosplay photos:

Photo © Kimmy Editing © Ninnu

Riku's sexy pink bag FTW :3

Magic Knight Rayearth x33

Casual Miku
Photo © Kimmy

Another Vocaloid cosplay that I'd love to try is Miku from Alluring Secret ~Black Vow~ her dress is just so cute :3

And the last thing.. I NEED THE RPGS!!!!!!!! ;;__;; I can live one week/month without video games BUT I NEED AT LEAST THE WRITTEN RPGS EVERYDAY!!!!! ;;__;; I'M BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;;__;;
If that's not possible..... You won't be hearing from me anymore :((


Friday, January 28, 2011


I've been playing Shin Megami Tensei Persona 3 FES for a while today and one of the characters died D:
It was my brother's favourite character so he didn't like it at all.. D:

We were both like: O_O

When _______ died....... :(

The Whole Video

The animated part of the death


Wednesday, January 26, 2011


Don't feel like spending time with those at the moment.. :(

I can't stand winter in Finland or stupid Finns who keep saying that Finns are quiet and everything. Well if you are from Helsinki and keep your eyes glued to your feet whenever you're somewhere it's not a surprise.
I'm not fully Finn but I still consider myself as a Finn. So I really get angry when people keep strenghtening the stereotype of Finns. WHY THE HELL DO YOU NEED TO DO THAT?!?!?!?! Aren't we (our generation) trying to create a better Finland? Even though we have these long winters we can always try to act nice towards each other. Can't we?

If you ask me we should take people who are against the changing of Finland's image to the forest and shoot them there. D: That would be a clean extermination of them and there would be nothing on our way.

While on this subject.. Children should be taught to fell in love with PEOPLE. Not teach them that girls can only love boys and boys can only love girls. There has been homosexuality ever since the beginning of human kind. So it shouldn't be considered as an abnormal thing. It is normal. People fell in love with other people. There ain't such a rule that girls can't love girls and boys can't love boys :)

Imagine how much nicer the whole country would be :) People would be more open, people wouldn't need to care about their sexuality, everyone would be accepted and foreigners would have a good reason to come back to visit Finland :)

And now that I've start this I think I'll continue :)
In my mind religions that are supposed to rule over people or give rules how people can and cannot act should be demolished. How can anyone prove that someone like Jesus has ever lived.
If I go out and start running around claiming that I'm a daughter of God, go to Mental Hospitals and gather some people who really believe in me and after my death someone writes a book which claims that I was a messiah and how I'm going to save everyone in the end.

.....maybe I should really try to do that..
Anyways, would you consider THAT a religion? If not, then why do you think that Christianity is any better? Who can prove that the writes were sane?

But yeah. In my mind religions are unneeded. For example Pope. What gives him the reason to ban kondoms from Africa or abortion from countries in South America? And to hide the truth about pedophile priests?

And the whore from Finland's Christian Democrats, go fuck yourself and give a blowjob to your son. :)


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

January 25th 2010~

NOTHING special but I have nothing else to do (I'm ignoring the pile of homework I have) and I decide to write something pointless again :)

So. Yesterday WASN'T my day at all.. I was so angry at everyone and everything.. I took it out on my friend (luckily she knows when I'm angry at other people and when I'm angry at her so she just tried to keep her cool :) even though I was a total ass towards her..)

I saw Michael again after a while (well I did go to "Story Of English" class last Friday but I guess he didn't see me then..).. He just looked at me and gave me a pile of papers.
"I want you to do these and show them when you're done."
I was surprised and it was so close that I didn't start crying! After "Communication Skills" class I went to him and asked whether I need to do everything for tomorrow and luckily he said that I can take my time as long as I show those within 2 or 3 weeks.. :) Sometimes I love him :)

And I'm skipping my Japanese class tomorrow even though I said and promised I wouldn't~ I just don't have time for unneccessary classes at the moment.. I need to concentrate on English Philology.

Today's re-take exam was a disaster.. I didn't study at all.. I kinda passed the whole course with the first exam but I only got "1" from the whole course (grades: 0-5, 1 being pass and 5 being the best).. So the exam was about British History.. (and just in case people don't know, I HATE history unless it's about the Celts, Ancient Egypt or Greece). I studied one part "18th Century Society" and I knew it by heart. But guess did the teacher put it to the exam!
In the end I managed to write something about the changes in society etc in the 1960's and of the First British Empire.. I hope I'll get a 2..

Pictures from WeHeartIt

The thing that really saved my day today was a message from a 19 years old guy from the US who looks like a rockstar ;)

"If you do not mind me saying, olet kaunis :)"
[translated: you are beautiful :)]

It's been a while since I've get messages like those and I was SO happy.. I feel like crap and that I'm the ugliest person on the planet and I get a message like that :)

And I got messages from Rob and Karli :3
Rob (he's a guy from Mexico I somehow met.. I think he sent a message to me first :)) and I managed to exchange postcards with him (I'm still waiting for his card.. It's been traveling for over 2,5 weeks :( ) and yesterday Karli received the package I sent her about 2 weeks ago :D She was so happy to be able to finally taste salmiakki :D I can't wait to hear what she thought about it :)
And I'm pribably meeting people when I go to the UK in August (HOPEFULLY!) I'll be flying to Edinburgh and hopefully meet with Betchi :) I've been talking with her on-off for a year now and last time I didn't tell her anything about my trip (I hadn't talked with her in a while so..) But this time :) She'll be in Edinburgh for the first time, for me it will be the second time and we'll probably spend some time at Edinburgh Fringe Festival :DD Matthew did talk to me about it but I was so tired and I didn't listen to him (sorry Matt!!!!)
Maybe this time I'll visit the castle as well :)

I still have this urge to go somewhere as soon as possible! :D Even Sweden or Estonia would be great as long as I don't need to stay in Finland :D
And I'd LOVE to go to Israel this year if I can't get into any public universities.. :3 I obviously have the travel fever :DD

And some photos from London August 9th 2010
The city I might never return to after May 18th 2011

I know that some people can't understand why I don't want to go to London again :D I've been there twice (4 days) and I've mostly experienced and seen everything there is.. (Excluding Bukingham Palace (which we'll probably go and see during the study trip), London zoo (I want to go to Edinburgh zoo in August!!!) and London eye..)

That's it for today :)
Oh! And thank you for the 7th reader :) I was pleasantly surprised :)


Monday, January 24, 2011

What DO I Do During Classes..?

I create new OC characters :)
I'm so proud of my newest creation so I want to share it with everyone :)

Name: Roxanne Lee
Age: 17
Date Of Birth: November 17th, 2000
Zodiac Sign: Libra
Chinese Zodiac Sign: Dragon
Place Of Birth: Unknown
Family: Big brother Ryuu (only one alive)
Lives With: Ryuu/Alone

Hair: REALLY short, wavy. As black as it can be
Eyes: Roxy has only one eye which is deep green. She lost her left eye and her parents in a fire when she was 4 years old
Height: 5'09 (155cm)
Unknown, really thin.
Overall Health: Okay considering that she smokes.
Personality: She's usually calm but when she gets angry nothing's stopping her. She depends on herself (or on Ryuu) more than to others because she can't stand being pitied or helped just because she only has one eye.

Preferred Nickname: Roxy
Occupation: Unemployed, lives in the slums. Brother "works" as a "thief". (He brings some food for everyone who lives in the slums.

Greatest Fear: to lose the last family member she has.
Religion: Atheist, doesn't believe in God because of everything that has happened to her.
Bad Habbits: Smoking
Wepon Of Choise: dagger and a pistol
Clothes: Usually some kind of a ripped tanktop and jeans.
Tattoos/Piercings: "Gang" tattoo on her left shoulder

The World: has been split into sections based on the income level. If you've been born in the slums there's no way out.

So yeah.. Those are the first things I made up.. I created her last night but came up with her story today.. We'll see how the story developes from here on..

You should be studying.

Oh yeah?

[x]You have a short temper.
[x]You often act on your emotions without thinking first.
[x]You are very competitive.
[x]You like to play with fire.
[x]You are not a strong swimmer or you can't swim at all.
[x]You prefer warm weather over cold weather.
[/]You often lose control over yourself.
[x]You can be quite reckless.
[x]You sometimes hurt people without realizing it.
[/]People have often called you insane.
Total: 9

[/]You have a calm, laid-back personality.
[ ]You like to go to the beach.
[ ]You rarely get angry.
[ ]When you do get angry, you know how to control it.
[ ]You think before you act.
[ ]You are good at breaking up fights.
[ ]You are a good swimmer.
[x]You like the rain.
[x]You can stay calm in stressful situations.
[ ]You are very generous.
Total: 2½

[/]You are physically strong.
[ ]You have a close connection with nature.
[/]You don't mind getting dirty.
[x]You form strong opinions on issues that concern you.
[ ]You could easily survive in the wild.
[/]You care about the environment.
[ ]You can easily focus on your work without getting distracted.
[ ]You rarely get depressed.
[ ]You aren't afraid of anything.
[ ]You prefer to have a strict set of rules.
Total: 2½

[x]You have a free spirit.
[x]You hate rules.
[/]You prefer to be out in the open rather than in small, enclosed spaces.
[x]You hate to be restrained.
[/]You are very independent and outgoing.
[/]You are quite intelligent.
[x]You tend to be impatient.
[x]You are easily distracted.
[x]You can sometimes be hyperactive and/or annoying.
[ ]You wish you could fly.

[/]You spend most of your time alone.
[/]You prefer nighttime over daytime.
[ ]You like creepy things.
[x]You like to play tricks on people.
[x]Black is your favorite color.
[/]You prefer the villains over the heroes in movies, TV shows, videogames, etc.
[ ]You don't talk much.
[x]You are atheist.
[/]You don't mind watching scary movies.
[ ]You love to break the rules.
Total: 5

[/]You are very polite.
[/]You are spiritual.
[ ]When someone is in trouble, you never hesitate to help them.
[ ]You believe everything you see or hear.
[ ]You are afraid of the dark.
[ ]You hate violence.
[/]You hope for world peace.
[ ]You are generally a happy person.
[ ]Everyone loves to be around you.
[ ]You always follow the rules.
Total: 1½

Sunday, January 23, 2011


It's my passion.

I've somehow always loved travelling. Even within the borders of Finland. Seeing places I've never seen before. Experiencing new things..

I've been busy with my school assignments lately but finally I had one day to rest and all I've been doing is reading blogs about exchange years abroad or watching my friends' photos of their trips around the Europe last summer. I wish I could so that as well but it's so expensive.. I need to get a job for the next year or get into university. I'm also applying to a polytechnic just so that I could become an exchange student even for one year.

What I'm after is a World map. A big one which I could put up on my wall and mark the places I've visited, for example:
Italy, San Marino, Tirana(Albania), Montenegro, Australia, England, Scotland etc..

And the places I want to see as soon as possible.

At the moment I really want to travel to Scotland and Northern England. Nothing special or even exotic about those places but Edinburgh stole my heart and Tracy, Mark and Ben live in Northern England.. I hope to meet them soon..

It's less than 4 months until my study trip to Wales and London but still.. I'm a bit scared of it (it means that the time at the boarding school is coming to an end) but I still wish it would be sooner.. 103 days until the trip (correct me if I'm wrong) :/

Other places I'm dying to see are:

Yehud - Israel
Wrocław - Poland
Bangkok - Thailand
Wien - Austria
Seoul, Busan and Daejon - South Korea
Shanghai and Shenzen - China
Hong Kong
Kyoto, Osaka, Tokyo and the areas between those cities - Japan
Sydney, Perth, Alice Spring, Brisbane, Darwin and Cairns - Australia
Ho Chi Minh - Vietnam

I guess those are the places for now.. I'd LOVE to travel all around the world if I could!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Life Is So Fucking Complicated.

But who cares?

As long as you're fine everythings is okay. People are egoistic beings.

"Be a Hero, Kill Your Ego."

Sounds simple, doesn't it? But how many people can HONESTLY say that they care more about other people's well being than their own? Not that many.

When you need other people - there's no one there.
If you don't need anyone and prefer to be left alone - FORGET IT.

When I overdosed myself I honestly hoped that I would've died. And I still do..

I am honestly in pieces. I don't cry because there's no tears to be shed. I make fun of myself before someone else can do that. I want other people to think that I'm funny. And friendly. I can't talk much about my past anymore unless I hear that people have had same kind of experiences. I've been bullied mentally for 9 years. (6-7yo and 9-15yo). It wasn't physical. NEVER. But I'd feel better if it would have been. The mental bullying has made me loathe myself. I get and lose weight all the time, the difference can be 7 kilos more or less in a week. I hate the way I look.

People think that I'm shy. They say that I look pissed. But what I've heard that people think that my self-esteem is okay or even great.

But it isn't. How many have been called fat during your first teenage years when you suffered from depression? Maybe from other kids but from a family member? It has also scarred me for life.

If only I could just fell asleep and never wake up again..

"I somehow "sensed" that you wanted to be left alone"

Why can't other people sense that from me as well?

Friday, January 21, 2011

Fucking Perfect.

I've liked P!nk ever since I heard her music (can't even remember when) and the 3 last albums have been GREAT! I've been through a lot and some of the lyrics have had a major impact on me, those still do. I've been listening to the two new songs from her "Greatest Hits So Far" CD.. And I LOVE her song F**kin' Perfect even though I wouldn't normally like that kind of songs.. And the music video was weird but I still liked it and did watch it a couple of times..

Good night..
I have bloodshot eyes and I really need some sleep~

Goals For The Weekend...

To do list:
1. Do ALL of your homework.
2. Start and Finish your transcription
3. Do your Autobiography
4. DO your Japanese homework and go to the next class (SERIOUSLY!)
5. Try to reply to all of the 11 letters you have to write sooner or later (it would be nice to really just relax for the day)
7. Publish the 3rd part of OC Meme IF you have the time to

So.. yeah.. I think I'll be a bit busy during this weekend.. :) Luckily I can stay up late and wake up late/early.. :) I don't think that I'll be posting that much during the weekend but we'll see :)


Late Night Thoughts

I had a chat with couple of people for 3,5 hours..
The talk just went from one subject to another (religions, abortion, pedophiles, pornography, bullying) and to be honest I couldn't be happier.
I've finally met people who I can talk about anything without major disagreements and fearing that the talk might end up in a fight..

I've met people who have gone through same kind of pain I have and this time I wasn't scared to talk about my traumas.. It's a thing I haven't done in a long time.. I honestly did feel a bit relieved to realize the fact that other people do go through the same problems that I've gone through..

Talking helps but I don't think there is enough time to get to know each other as well as we could..

Thank you for the chat! I hope to do it again as soon as possible :)


Thursday, January 20, 2011

Boys Boys Boys..

Girls hate them, love them, wear make up to look good just for them, change guys like clothes..

I had many crushes during Secondary School and dated a couple of guys. The only relationship that was ALMOST working was my first love but that was destroyed, all thanks to me. My atrological sign is Leo and I do act like one. Even though I don't believe in horoscopes..

"You tend to take people who love you for granted and this is quite a negative trait as the relationship could turn into a love-hate one"

And I guess that pretty much happened.. After that I haven't had any "proper" relationships with guys.. Most of them have just been friends for me and after I got into High School I pretty much gave up on looking for someone to date.. I did have some "It's complicated - we like each other but don't know whether to start dating or not" relationships and some cases when I was turned down.
Can you imagine me running after a guy just to confess? Me neither. I'm not like that usually and if I've done something like that I've pretty much been ignored.

But after 3 years of watching one of my friends being happy with a guy and now seeing as my roommate is falling in love I've started thinking what I want.. I'd like to date but I'm picky. I'm not talking about the looks but I want a guy who has a great sense of humour.. I just tend to judge people before I even start talking with them.. :/

But because of my current life dating wouldn't even be an opition.. I'm too busy with school and my studies.. I would go mad if I'd be dating a guy who'd ask me whether I'm okay or not.. OR hear my grandma asking me or my mom when will I give birth to a healthy baby.

When I was 8 I decided to move away from Finland as soon as I could. I want to become a teacher somewhere in the Far East and travel all around the globe.. Would a boyfriend fit in my plans? Maybe.
But I think I prefer being a single. I've met so many guys that have been a let down. They've bought me chocolate even though I've been constantly saying that I CAN'T eat chocolate or anything with milk because I'm allergic.
Guys don't listen.

I've even learned to be strong and take care of myself, I've met some great friends and spent time with them. I learned to love myself. And I can flirt with guys as much as I like (if I feel like it~). PJ days are also high on the list, I don't have to look great if I don't feel like it. :)

Sorry guys!
Being single is much more fun than playing with you.


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Change of plans..

I'll be staying in bed for a day longer..

I was thinking that I'm already okay but now my condition became a bit worse again D:
But at least my roommate is getting sick as well :D
Yay~ Nothing is nicer than sharing a fever or a cold!! :D
Someone else wanting to get sick soon? :DD

Well, at least I have the time to study for my re-take exam and write some of the things I need to write.. Hopefully..


I'm SO sure that my teacher loves me!

Postcard blog~

I'm still sick but I'll be going to classes tomorrow (at least I hope so :D)
BUT. As I'm tired and sick I finally managed to get the time to make a postcrossing blog for me and my friend, Kimmy :)
It's already up and running but it will take some time before I get the time to scan every card I've received during 2011 and so.. :D
Here's the link:

Lily and Kimmy's Postcards



Tuesday, January 18, 2011

If This Was A Movie

An assignment to change one text type to another.. I chose to change Taylor Swift's lyrics "If This Was A Movie" to a short story.. I'm sick and I have nothing else to do so.. Enjoy? (I'm so sure that I'll be failing this one D:)
And yes, I know that it's crappy.. I have a fever and my mind moves as fast as a snail D:

Rosa was sitting on her bed. It was morning but she was extremely tired. She didn't sleep at all last night because her heart had been pounding so hard that she really thought she heard someone coming up the stairs. It has been six months since HE left but she was still waiting for him to come back. Even though Rosa knew it was futile and that he would never come back to her or to the town they used to live in, together. She had too many happy memories of them and she kept playing them in her mind. The girl was smiling through her tears. She was sad but the memories of the past kept making her smile no matter what. The memories were her way out of the harsh reality where she needed to go through everything all alone. She knew that memories wouldn't help or save her and that going back in her mind wasn't that healthy for herself. But she wanted to remember how it felt to be with him and how the time stood still everytime they were together.

As the day went by Rosa was still sitting on her bed watching the raindrops racing on the window. It was raining as if the weather knew how she felt. She wished her life would be like all of those romantic movies, the man would come back no matter what. The men in the movies even stood in the rain for hours just to wait for their one and only love to come out of the house. When the woman comes out the man apologizises for everything and the lovers kiss in the rain. But Rosa knew that real life ain't like the movies at all, that's why those are so popular amongst young girls, that's why he hadn't come back.

”I know that everything changes.. People, life.. Everything.. People do grow apart but why..?”
Rosa sobbed to the phone as her best friend just listened to her. Her friend didn't have anything to say, Rosa just needed someone to talk to and that's why she had called.
”His arms were always so warm and locked around me...”
she cried and remembered the happy but still so sad memories she had of him.
”No matter where I go I keep running after him even though he's not here anymore... But... He said that... He said...”
Rosa crashed down and cried to the phone like she had never cried before.
”He said that nothing would change... We would stay together forever...”
she kept going on even though her friend couldn't understand what she said.
”Maybe you should call him..”
her friend said and hang up the phone. Rosa was left alone and she couldn't stop crying. The memories and reality hurted so much.

”Hey.. If you're still somewhere in here.. No matter what has happened.. I'll be waiting here for you to come back.. I want everything to be the way it used to be.. I want to see you back at my front door.. Even though reality isn't like the movies I still hope to see you one of these days..”
Rosa said and hung up the phone.

Day of the Living Dead

Guess who's sick.. AGAIN! The last time was exactly 2 weeks ago D: I can't understand how this can happen to me D: Well at least (I think) I'll be getting 1-2 letters today so hopefully those will lighten up my day..

I haven't slept almost at all during the night because I've felt so sick..

Picture from WeHeartIt

At least I have some time to sleep (hopefully) and try to write some letters, do homework and such.. Maybe I even get the strenght to write the 4th part of my interrail trip or the 3rd part of the first of three OC Memes..

Good Night People~


Monday, January 17, 2011


The 4th blog post today but I really have nothing better to do (okay, it's a lie but I have nothing fun to do except blogging so..)

I was thinking about doing a postcrossing blog or start a postcrossing posts to this blog.. I'm not sure what to do so I want to ask for people's opinnion..

So, what do you think? :)

And I was also thinking 'bout starting a part where I could reply to (even random) questions as honestly as I can.. :) So.. if you think it would be fun to read, just drop me a line and let me know your thoughs and questions :)

Thank you for reading!! :)


p.s. No new blog posts before I get comments ;)

OC Meme 1 part 2

IV. A character is surrounded by many enemies and decides that the only thing they can do is fight! How does that go? Pick either Character Two or Character Five

Sayuri was surrounded by men. She looked around her while she was panicking and tried to find a way out of the situation. The men wore black so she immediately guessed that they were from a mafia, but not from Taro's. She knew that Taro has made many enemies and everyone of them wanted Taro to suffer so that they could destroy his mafia which pretty much runs the whole city. Taro had fallen in love with Sayuri and someone had got the information about it. The information had spread fast and now the woman who Taro loved more than he loved his life was alone and surrounded by enemies, an easy kill. Sayuri tried to reach out for the gun that Taro had given her earlier – but it wasn't in her bag!
”Looking for this, cutie?”
the biggest man smiled unkindly and held Sayu's gun in his hands. The rest of the group was laughing with him. Sayu looked as if she would start to cry any second, little did the men knew that she had a phone in her bag and she called Taro and shut the phone almost immediately – a code Taro had told her. She was in trouble, in SERIOUS trouble and Taro knew it now. Sayu looked at the men and spoke with a trembling voice.
”He'll be here soon! You'll regret for even touching me!!”
the men laughed and took their guns. Their only target was cornered and helpless. When they were going to shoot they hear gun shots and their leader falls to the ground – dead. While the men look behind them and start shooting the men from Taro's mafia Sayu gets a chance to take her gun and starts shooting at the ”enemies” as well.

In the end there are only bodies laying in the ground. Sayuri looks around and feels a bit scared, she killed at least one of them.
she hears a familiar voice and before she could even react the familiar arms of her loved one are around her.
”I was worried sick! I thought that something might have happened to you..”
Taro whispers quietly to Sayu's ear and the woman smiles happily.
”I'm so sorry..”

V. Character Three is depressed and decides to get drunk.

”...and then she said that if she weren't with someone like me she would be married to a prince and would be a queen already.. But now that she's with ”someone like me” she gets nothing and hates her life and me and..."
Nick went on and on about his and Kimmy's life to the bartender. He was kicked out of his own apartment because his fiancé had gotten mad at him for no reason. It was only about 3pm and the bar was empty. The bartender hardly even listened to Nick's worries, he just cleaned the place up for the night and nodded his head now and then to keep Nick there and to sell drinks to him.
”I mean.. Why women are so..”
Nick mumbled as he was gulping down his beer.
” can anyone understands them and their frigging mood swings!?! They're fine in one minute and in the next they're throwing knives and daggers at you.. Fucking..”
the man continued mumbling and drinking more. He knew that getting drunk doesn't make anything better, he just wanted to forget his problems for a while.

VI. An event like no other takes place and Character One and Character Two get into a battle to the death. Who wins?

”I was going to buy that necklace!!! It was being held for me!!!”
Rosa yells to a blond girl who bought the necklace she wanted.
”Well obviously it wasn't because it was on the table and nobody was holding it.”
Sayu replies rudely to the girl and puts the necklace to her bag.
”and besides I've already paid for it so it's mine, tough luck.”
Sayu smiles a bit smugly and continues forward. Rosa bites her lip with anger and decides to follow the bitch who stole her necklace while she was on the phone with Rai.

Sayu does some shopping before she starts heading towards home. After getting to a peaceful and empty park she hears a voice.
”Give me the necklace or I'm going to kill you. For real. That was my necklace and you stole it.”
Rosa stands a few meters behind Sayu and sounds dead serious and angry as hell. Sayu smiles a bit and turns to face Rosa.
”I bought it so it's mine. And the one who's going to get killed will be you if you won't turn around and leave me alone. The necklace is mine. PERIOD.”
Sayu says and raises her gun to point at Rosa's heart. She is surprised to hear Rosa's laughter even though SHE is the one who's being targeted.
”You really think that a small gun will kill me? That thing won't even harm me!”
Rosa says and as she ends her sentence Sayuri starts shooting at her. Rosalia takes some hits but doesn't fall down. Sayu shoots until she's out of bullets. Sayuri breathes deeply and looks at Rosa who bleeds but isn't dead on the ground. She's terrified to see Rosalia smile even though she's fatally wounded and blood keeps running from her mouth.
”You took your time.”
Rosa smiles and looks behind the other girl. Sayu doesn't have any time to turn around and see who Rosa is talking to. A hand comes through her stomach and she starts vomiting blood. Her eyesight starts to go blurry and the last thing she hears before she stops breathing is:
”Don't you dare shooting at my wife”
Rosa smiles a bit as Rai takes his hand out of Sayuri's stomach and licks the bloond on his hands.
she says to Rai and walks to the body. She kneels down, checks Sayu's bag and takes the necklace out of there.
”That's what you get for stealing what's mine.”


When I told my dad that a friend (penpal) of mine is coming over during the summer he was happily surprised.. He asked me whether she's the one that taught me to listen to K-pop..

I was quiet for a minute and told him that it's a he..

It feel weird to have close penpals who are the opposite sex and have SO much to talk about.. It's almost unreal..

While I can talk easily with guys I'm still single..

I've started to wonder whether I've ever been in love for real..

I don't need to experience those magical fairytale endings or magical moments..

It's just that..
and I'm tired of seeing too many happy couples all around me..

All I want is a relationship that would last..

Howcome every guy I meet becomes a friend but that's it.. Even if I would be interested in them, they aren't interested in me..

All I want is to feel loved..

photos from WeHeartIt

Is it too much to ask?


My Heart Is Broken..

Who wouldn't have a broken heart, right?
David Tennant is engaged.. And probably having a baby soon (or at least that's what I've heard!!)

The man I was going to marry (at least in my dreams) is engaged to a "girl" who's only 7 years older than I am ;;__;;

But luckily I'm not the only one who's heart has been broken lately.. Many other Tennant fan(atic)s have been crushed as well :(

What's there NOT to love? His accent is to die for:

He doesn't look as old as he is (only 20 years older than I am :3) and he was (and is) the best Doctor EVER!!!

But I'm still going to carry out my plan I've had for a while. And my classmates are surely going to help me with it.. At least I hope so! D:

I LOVE you David!!!!


Sunday, January 16, 2011

Reilimatka Skotlantiin ja Englantiin part 3

1.-11.elokuuta 2010

4.elokuuta ~7.30


Maanantaina ja tiistaina jäi kirjottamatta, olin vaa NII väsyny! :/
Edellisen merkinnän jälkeen kiertelin kauppoja ja vaa odotin pääsyä Edinburghin yliopistolle, josta löyty halvin majotus koko kaupungista (~50€/yö, kuukauden kestävä festivaali oli alkamassa piakoin, jote hinnat oli korkeella). Halusin NII heittää rinkan sinne!
Kiertelin jopa vanhaa kaupunkia, vaikka paikka KUHISI ihmisii! Kävin linnanki porteilla, mut jonot oli valtavat ja sisäänpääsy £12, joten jätin menemättä.. Pääsin sitte 3pm aikoihi majapaikalle ja soitin Tracylle ja kotiin. Olin NII onnellinen, ku pääsin rinkasta eroon!!!! Ja Tracylle ilmotin jo valmiiks et tuskin jaksasin kierrellä Edinburghia enää seuraavana päivänä. Suunnitelmissa oli lähteä seuraavana päivänä junalla 3-4 aikoihi iltapäivällä, mut se vaihtukin klo 11.00 junaan suoraan Edinburghista parin muun kaupungin (mm. Matthewn kotikaupungin Newcastlen) kautta Doncasteriin ja sieltä pikkujunalla Mexboroughin pikkukylään 2-3 aikoihi :)

Jätettyäni tavarat hotelliin menin vielä kiertelee kaupunkia mm. kokeilemaan fish&chipsejä (Skotlannissa kaikki uppopaistetaa rasvassa D:), ostamaan löysän I *Heart* Scotland -paidan (harmaa) ja "Special Attraction Edinburgh" keltasen Disney paidan, jossa on Minni ja Iines :) Muuten kauppa oliki TÄYNNÄ Toy Story hahmoja, asuja yms :D Ja taustalla soi Toy Storyn biisit :) Oli aiva ihanaa! :) Ja pitihän mun postikorttejaki ostaa! ;) 5-6 aikoihi palasin yliopistolle ja katselin yliopiston takana näkyviä mäkiä ihaillen.
"Tonne mä haluun!" mietin ja heitin laukun pois. Mukaan otin vain kännykän, kameran ja sateenvarjon ja suuntasin Holyrood parkiin :) Suuntasin korkeemmalle mäelle (Arthur's Seat)

Arthur's Seat

ja vaikka otinkin vaikeimman reitin ylös (välillä vastassa oli lähes pystysuoria rinteitä), vaikka reitti olikin todella vaarallinen (selvä kuoleman vaara) kiipesin ylemmäs ja mumisin itsekseni "mähän EN kuole tänne."
Pääsin yhelle "tasanteelle" ja jäin siihen. Katselin ympärille ja hymyilin. Näin mun unelmien Skotlannin silmien edessä. Kaupunki jalkojen juurella, edessä mäkiä, niittyjä ja samoin kauempana - pelkkä Edinburgh oli mulle unelmien täyttymys!

Palasin yliopistolle onnellisena ja menin nukkuu n.8-9 aikoihin :)

Lähes 12 tunnin yöunien jälkeen heräsin naapurihuoneen oven ääneen. Katsahdin kelloon ja hyppäsin ylös. Onneksi en käyttänyt meikkiä ollenkaan ja suihkussa kävin edellisenä iltana, joten puin päälle ja suuntasin suoraan aamupalalle. Yliopisto oli Edinburghin halvin majapaikka (£42), joten en odottanut mitään hienoa aamiaista. Yllätyksekseni aamiainen oli VALTAVA! Sait itse kasata lautaselle mitä halusin, englantilaisesta aamiaisesta ranskalaiseen ja tuoreisiin hedelmiin! :) Oli upeeta, vaikka söinkin yksin :)

Edinburghissa vastaan tuli jopa 2 suomalaista, kun lähdin Holyrood parkista :) Mutta näkisittepä kuinka paljon täällä on aasialaisia turisteja! Ihailen kaikkia vastaantulevia nuoria aasialaisia! :)

Munki kansallisuus on ollut jo vaikka mikä, kun ihmiset tunnistaa puheesta välittömästi turistiksi :) Kolmannen kerran kun kävin Edinburghin juna-aseman Food&Wine: Marks & Spencer:llä juttelin Tracyn kanssa puhelimessa kun pääsin tiskille, mutta puhelu loppui pian. Hymyilin anteeksipyytävästi punahiuksiselle miesmyyjälle ja käytiin pieni keskustelu, kuten täällä on (ONNEKSI tapana :))

Myyjä: "Hello, how are you?"
Lily: "Hi, I'm fine, what about you?"
M: "I'm great! Tell me, are you Polish?"
siinä vaiheessa aloin hymyillä leveesti
L: "Excuse me?"
M: "Where are you from?"
myyjä korjasi nopeasti ja naurahdin.
L: "I'm from Finland"
hymyilin ja myyjän ilme kirkastui entisestään.
M: "Why are you here then?"
L: "I'm starting my interrail trip from Edinburgh"
M: "You know, I used to love this Finnish rock band"
L: "Yeah?"
M: "Poets Of The Fall, do you know them?"
L: "Yeah, I listen to them now and then"
naureskelin ja olin yllättyny, että myyjä ties noinki tuntemattoman bändin Suomesta!
M: "Signs Of Life was just so.. Well, bye! Have a safe trip!"
L: "Thank you! Bye!"
nauroin ja lähdin, IHANA mies! :D Ja muutenki miehet täällä on UPEITA! ;) (Onko ihmekää että rakastan Tennantia, ku se on Skotti ;) )

No, lähin lopulta 11.00 junalla 3 tuntii Doncasteriin ja olin onnelline. Maisemat oli upeita ja vastaan tuli paljon lampaita! :) Junamatka meni musiikkia kunnellen ja Kuroshitsujii iPodista katellen :)
14.00 olin Doncasterissa ja vähän ennen 15.00 olinki jo Tracyn luona. IHANAA, kun pääsi taas tuttuun ympäristöön ja tuttujen ihmisten luo! Tracyn talo on sekotus brittiläistä ja skandinavialaista tyyliä, joten on tosi kotosaa! :)
Saapumisen jälkeen näin heti ensimmäisenä Benin lemmikit jäniksen (Flopsie)

ja hamsterin (Nibbles, kuoli 8.tammikuuta -10)! :) AIVAN älyttömän sulosii! :)
Oli kui kotii ois tullu, ku tervetulo oli niin lämmin :) Sain voileivän ja sitten lähettiinki jo Tescoon ostoksille :) Oli ihanaa ja ostin anime lehden, jossa oli 6 sivuu pitkä FMA: Brotherhood juttu :) Elokuvaki o tulossa, YAY~ :3

Ja sitten oliki illalline 6-7 välillä illalla :) Pastaa!!! ^^ Juteltiin Tracyn kanssa kaiken aikaa ja Ben oli ja ON kaiken aikaa Xboxilla :D Illallisen jälkee otettii jälkiruokaa ja keskusteltiin siitä, ku Ben (ja yleesä naiset/leidit) rakastaa mansikoita, johon Mark totes:
"Guess Ben's our lady then. I never get any strawberries."
kaikki naurettiin. Ja viel enemmän naurettiin, ku Tracy uhkas Beniä
"If you're not sitting in the table you're not getting any strawberries!"
siinä vaiheessa Benille iski kauhee paniikki ja se juoksi paikalleen kauheeta vauhtia vaan huomatakseen että Tracyllä oli Benin tuoli, ku sen piti ottaa korkeelta kaapista jotain :D Kaikki naurettiin Benin paniikille, ku tuoli oli viety eikä "lady" meinannu saada mansikoita. :DD
8 aikoihi lähettii Tracyn vanhemmille ja oli aiva ihanaa :) Ne on ihania ihmisiä (näin täs vaihees vois kertoo, et Tracy ja mun isä on tuntenu 12 vuotiaista asti, ne oli kirjekavereita :) Tracyn vanhemmat on siis nyt nähny mut ja mun isän tän ikäsinä Yorkshiressä :)) ja moneen kertaan tuli kuultua:
"You've grown!" (oliha siitä melkee 3 vuotta ku viimeks nähtii.. Tracyki luuli et olisin oikeesti punapää, kute olin sillo 2007 jouluna :D Sai melkee shokin ku sai kuulla et olisin oikeesti blondi :D)
hymyilin ja yritin parhaan mukaa kuunnella South Yorkshirelaista murretta :) 9 aikoihi lähettii takasin Tracylle, kateltii ku hamsteri juoksenteli toisessa kerroksessa pallossaan ja tuli moneen kertaa jalkoja päi. Oltii Tracyn kanssa facebookissa n.11.30 asti, jollo menin nukkumaa :) Vierashuone on UPEE ja saan pleikan ja Xboxin huoneesee ;)

Tänää sataa ja on daytrip jonneki kartanolle (Chatsworth House) :) Enemmän tekstii myöhemmi :)



We've known for years and it's weird to realize how much we both have changed.. In our case some of the changes were and are good but some....... The whole time you've known me I've been suicidal and depressed.. I've had some good phases and some really good ones but when I fall back to depression.. But still you've stayed by my side all of the time.. And I'm thankful for that.. You know me better than anyone else but there's some things even you don't know about me..
You were continuously claiming that the "me" I developed into during 2010 wasn't the real me..
It's partly true and partly not.. 2010 wasn't my year.. Too many things happened.. 2009 too many died and the fact kept hunting me in 2010..

It was nice to see you after a while.. Especially if we won't be seeing that much after the summer.. We're both applying to universities and that'll put some distance between us.. (Unfortunately) I know that this won't stop us from calling each other during the nights or early mornings.. But it does mean that we both need to start learning how to talk about everything.

Thank you for being my friend.
Even when we can't stand each other.


Friday, January 14, 2011


No new blog posts until Sunday~
I'm a big busy with everything.. I promise to try to post the third part of my interrail trip to Scotland and England on Sunday as well as part 2 of the OC Meme.. Let's hope I have the time to write those..
Right now I'm planning on going to my birthtown/hometown (whatever you wanna call it) and spend at least 2 days there.. :) After that I'll be busy with everything.. But I do continue blogging even if it seems like I'm dead :P

And just to let Raven know I'm honored that she's my newest stalker here :) And I'm not angry at all :D Love you girl!

Take care~
DON'T fuck it up~ ;)


ps. My newest video project, some might have seen it already:

Doctor Who/Secret diary of a call girl
Shattered Rose

Wednesday, January 12, 2011


How long of a sentence do you get if you kill someone? D:

It's 7.20am you F*CKING morons!

I've slept for like 4(?) hours and I'm NOT happy about it. Sometimes I have hard time falling asleep and FINALLY when I had the chance to sleep until 9am the renovation starts around 7am in the floor below us. It's F*CKING noisy!!! I'm, agry and pissed, Nora's angry and pissed + hungover and TEmma's a bit hungover. What could possibly go wrong with anything anymore?

NOTHING. My whole day will be a nightmare.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

You finished all your homework?

"You must be sick"
That's all I hear from my roommate after working 4 hours with 2 different homework "assignments".. I can honestly say that I've never worked so hard with homework than I now do.. I may spend hours wondering one simple and small assignment which I would have written or finished in 5 minutes a year ago..
Somehow it's extremely exhausting to work on one problem so long but in the end it is somewhat rewarding to get most of the things right and being able to talk about the assignment with other people around you.. English is NOT even half as easy as it was in upper secondary.. Academic Writing, Phonetics, Linguistics.. Everything about how the language was born, how we use it, how we pronunce the words and how those are written with phonetic symbols.. Not to forget the classes where we examine how the words are linked together to form a sentence..

And I'm choosing to continue this torture..

I had a small talk with my other English teacher, Keijo, today..
Most of the time was spent on what I did wrong on my British history exam (I didn't study at all for that exam because of the Academic Writing class' portfolio.. Still I scored 1 (50% right!! :D) He said that he was a bit disappointed in me but I just smiled and said that I just mixed up some of the facts and he totally bought that!

After that the talk changed to another subject which I hate - university studies.. I mentioned that I might apply to a polytechnic to study tourism in English and he asked where I would go and in which language I would study.. I would have LOVED to comment that I was thinking about studying in Hebrew but I just smiled and said that I'm applying to the polytechnic of Porvoo and that I'd study in English.. (He was joking about me studying in Swedish, all because of my Swedish lastname..)
I also added a couple of universities, Jyväskylä, Vaasa and Joensuu. He was happy when he heard that I might apply to the "teacher line" to become an English teacher.. Little does he know that I'm NOT going to stay in Finland even if I become a teacher!

Today just went by.. My roommate will change the class so we won't be in the smae classes more than 4 hours a week.. But somehow after Topi heard that Emma's changing to their class he has come to our room for the first time.. It was weird but I think it's because he wants to make Emma feel like she's welcomed to the new class..
I also talked to Toni today (for the first time ever). He started the year at the same class but changed after the first or the second week.. We've been on the same Japanese group but I've never talked with him.. So it was a bit awkward when he was in our part of the dorm waiting for TEmma(another Emma) to treat her hand (she was a bit drunk :)) I came out of our room and started talking with Elisa, Topi and Nora.. Toni smiled at me and said that we haven't talked before.. We introduced each other and he immediately knew who I was.
"So YOU'RE Kira"
It was a bit creepy but I didn't mind.. It's nice to get to know people.. :)
And for the first time I saw a guy's room at the dorm.. I was arguing with Topi that my and Emma's room is messy but he kept saying that his and his roommate's room is a lot messier. He asked me to come and see for myself if I didn't believe and after I said "okay" he was surprised as hell.. It was so much fun to see his expression.. And to be honest even if their room was a bit messy it wasn't as messy as our.. :)

But I'm thinking about going to bed.. Maybe I should.. After all I need to wake up around 8am because of Emma..

Good night~


Monday, January 10, 2011

OC Memes + OC Meme 1 part 1

From now on I will fill up MeAsTheNarrator's OC (Original Character) Meme here now and then.. As I don't have my diary where I've written about the interrail trip with me at the dorm I've decided to start publishing this.. As I'm not much of a drawer/painter etc. I've used my imagination by writing and inventing characters and different stories.. I hope that you will enjoy~
I. Choose up to five (5) of your favorite original story characters that will embark in this role-play. If you don't have five (5) then leave them blank (or create a character on the spot!) Be sure to give a little description of them:

1. Rosalia (Rosa) – Half Angel, Half Vampire. Her mom(100% Vampire) is a famous ex-model who had to quit her job when Rosa was 8 years old (her husband(100% Angel) got jealous and wanted to keep her all to himself). Rosa is 19 yo. literacy student in a monster school (full of pure blooded(100% one monster), full blooded (100% monster, like Rosa is) and half blooded (50% monster, 50% human) students :)) she's trying to become a model like her mom was but Rai doesn't quite like that idea.. (Rai's 50% siren, 50% demon) Since Rosa's parents moved to another city and Rosa didn't want to leave because of her studies and love interest, she moved together with Rai. The only problem is that Rai is Rosa's teacher and student-teacher relationships are a NO-NO. So they're living as roommates at Rai's apartment and try not to touch each other. But the situation is hard for both of them because they love each other a LOT and are REALLY jealous of each other. Rosa is more like her mom than her dad, she drinks blood like vampires do and acts more like a vampire than an angel (thank GOD she doesn't sparkle!!!) and her emotions go up and down just like that. :P

2. Sayuri (Sayu) – HUMAN. Young (21-23yo.), pretty and anorexic stripper and drug user from the slums. She has lost all of her memories from before she was 17 or 18 (she doesn't know her age or anything about herself). During one night shift she met a guy at the bar of the strip club (she works as a stripper and a bar tender) and left the bar with the man. The man abducted her and took her to one of his apartments and tied her to the bed. He raped and used her just as he wanted to and just left her lying on the bed for the rest of the night. From that day forward he used Sayu as his living toy but little by little he started to fell in love with Sayuri because she looks like his first love (who died).

3. Nick – A teacher from the same school Rosa goes to. He teaches P.E and is about 30yo. SMEXY elf (pure blood) :) He has a relationship with one of his students just like Rai (except for the fact that Nick knows about Rai's relationship but Rai doesn't know about Nick's relationship :3) Nick's girlfriend is 19 yo. 100% siren :3 They kinda live together :3

4. Shinji – 6 yo. boy whose mom is a maid and dad is a prince :) His mom and dad have been lovers for a long time (now and in their former lives). Shinji is the fruit of their love :) He acts a LOT older than he is and he loves his mom a LOT :) He lived 5 years without his dad because he left his mom before they even knew she was pregnant but somehow he found his way back to his one and only family! :3 Shinji is a total mommy's boy :3

5. Rose – 15 yo. Phoenix girl. She has serious issues with herself and doesn't know how to handle her problems or her powers. It's a shame that she acts like a total nympho and she wants to be the boss in the bed.. To be honest she's an emo who doesn't know what she wants to do.. Except for the fact that she wants to be with everyone she loves and be the MASTER of everything! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA~!!! She has no idea but she's a princess in an parallel universe where she's from.. (It's a good thing she doesn't know that!!!!). I can imagine how messed up her homeland would be if they'd get a sadistic ruler :<
II. One of your characters decides to make a grand entrance into a random tavern. How does that go? Pick either Character One or Character Four :

Shinji's too young so I'll go with Rosalia :)
Rosa lets Rai open the tavern door for her and walks in. She takes her sunglasses off and lets her blond hair down. She looks around and shrugs.
”This is okay for now I guess.. It's not like there's any other taverns for the next 15 miles and I'm tired of sitting in the car.” she says to Rai and walks to the bar. Her young, slim and beautiful body and face are known all over the country by now. She's the daughter of the ex-model Sarah, who quit the business, but Rosalia ain't like her mother, not at all.
Rai just shooks his head and follows his former student, current girlfriend and orders something to drink for both of them while the old geezers who normally inhabit the tavern keep gazing at his extremely beautiful and 10 years younger girlfriend.

III. Jealous, Character Three tries to make a grand entrance as well but somehow fails… why is that?

Nick runs to the tavern after his long trip to his true habitat, the forest. After a tiring and hot day out in the forest he really needs a drink. Nick opens the door and walks to the bartender with steps like he owns the place. When he gets to the female bartender he smiles and places his order.
”Hey, I'd like to get a beer.” he smiles and looks at the bartender. The woman looks away blushing like mad. Nick smiles and thinks that the bartender is just a bit shy and tries again.
”Could I get a beer please?”
”Get out of my tavern and stop harrassing my daughter you pervert!” Nick heards a deep voice behind him and turns around. The owner of the tavern stands right in front of him with an angry look on his face.
”What's wrong? I don't think I've done anything..” Nick says and looks at the owner. The owner looks at him even angrier and says:
”You have NO clothes on.”

Pian täällä ei olla mekään..

"Paetaan ennen kesää.."

"Tutut kasvot katoaa.."

"Ehkä kaikki on vielä mahdollista
Paetaan autolla
Lähdetään nyt etsimään jotain
Potkua tähän elämään"

"I try to find the truth between all the lies
When Bleeding is feeling and feeling ain't real
When Breathing's a burden we all have to bear
And trust is one thing we're taught never to share
When loving means breaking and saying goodbye"

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Breaking Down

Another depression phase reached.. Another thing wrong with this useless body..

This time I'm too tired to cry, too tired to care.. I just wish I could sleep for a month or two.. Even when the teacher accused me and my roommate for cheating on an exam.. To be honest I didn't care. I don't care what he thinks. I don't care about my exam results..

Somehow I wish that my body would just break down.. I'm tired of feeling like the other part of me is already somewhere else.. Like I'm just a half of myself..

I don't want to eat any more pills, I've had enough of stupid pills.. Couple of days ago I just sneezed and blood started coming from my nose.. It lasted for 2 hours and my mom just keeps telling me how I haven't eaten this and this medicine enough. Why would I? The pills make me feel sick and I've already seen 2 people playing with their pills this year.. YES. I mean THIS year, 2011! Only about one week gone and already 2 people have been playing with their medicines. It was so close I didn't call the ambulance..

And I don't want to go to a shrink. They can't help you.

So I think there's nothing more to do than just try to keep on living with the depression and the stupid body I have..

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Reilimatka Skotlantiin ja Englantiin part 2

1.-11.elokuuta 2010

2.elokuuta klo. 7.05

(bussissa matkalla keskustaan)

jatkoa vielä edelliseen..
Edinburghissa sataa eikä mulla oo takkia TAI sateenvarjoa, joten ne on mun listalla iha ensimmäisinä! :D Haluun kans I *heart* Scotland -paidan täältä! :) Ja heti ensimmäisenä ku meen keskustaan pääsen EKAA kertaa kakskerroksisen bussin kyytii (TOTAL FAIL! Tokaa kertaa maassa ja ekaa kertaa kakskerroksisen kyydis! D:) Nyt n.25min keskustaa ja odottelee et kaupat aukee :3

Edinburgh castle

2.elokuuta klo 11.20

(juna-asemalla lepäämässä)

Olin aivan lumoutunu KOKO bussimatkan ajan ja yllätyin iloisesti, ku näin Edinburghin linnan. Se on VALTAVA! Ei sitä kokoo usko ellei ite nää! Sää on sateinen, joten ensimmäinen ostos oli 9 aikoihin punanen skottiruudullinen sateenvarjo :) Myyjä naureskeli, et todellaki rakastan skottiruutuja, ku hiuspantaki on skottiruudullinen. Oon kyl kans katellut laukkuu, takkii ja hametta, mut hinnat on £15 ylöspäin, joten.. :S Ja Disney kauppaki löyty jo! Nyt vaa harkitaa minkälaisen paidan sieltä ostan :) Ostamatta vielä I *HEART* Scotland -paita ja kengät joilla en tappais itteeni! (joita en ikinä ostanukaa! :))

Tired traveler? (August 2nd around 5.30am before I left the airport)

100th Blog Post~

It feels a bit weird.. I've been writing for about 10 months now and it just feels strange to think that I've written 100 blog posts..

Anyways~ A short vacation started today (after 3 short school days~) and I can spend it however I like (I just need to read some books.. :P)
I feel extremely relaxed and I can't wait to go and start writing letters~ ^^

Oh~ I received some CUTE postcards through postcrossing, the newest one is of two Maine Coon kittens :3 I love those cats and I'd like to get one (700-1200€ D:) The postcard came from Czech Republic

I LOVE it! :)

And I heard that my parents are going to Croatia and Montenegro next August D: What about me and my trip to UK? D:
And I've already told my mom what kind of postcards I want them to send me.. :3

Well, I need to go and start writing the letters :)


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Reilimatka Skotlantiin ja Englantiin

1.-11.elokuuta 2010

2. elokuuta klo 06.00

(Edinburghin lentokentällä)

Alkujen/loppujen ongelmien jälkeen (reililippu jäi lähes saamatta ja sen jälkeen sainki reililipun Espanjaan. Way to go VR!) Onneksi kaikki oli kunnossa sunnuntaina, kun lähtö läheni. Suunnitelmana oli nukkua pitkään, jotta 1.-2. yö menisi helpommin lentokentällä, mutta EI. Heräsin 9 aikoihin ja siitä se hermoilu sitten alkoikin! Päivä meni hitaasti ja vatsa oli täynnä perhosia!

Matka Tampereen lentokentälle alkoi 17.30 aikoihin ja matka meni yllättävän nopeasti! Isän prinsessana isän seura on mahtavaa! Lentokentällä olin 20.30 ja jonotin hetken pääsyä tarkastuksista läpi. Itku tuli, kun hyvästeli isän n. 9 päiväksi. Turvatarkastuksista pääsin noin vain läpi, vaikka silmät olikin turvoksissa ja nyyhkytin kuin hullu! Tarkastuksien jälkeen tuli uusi itku, kun juttelin isän kanssa puhelimessa, ensimmäinen matka ulkomaille aivan yksin! Pari puhelua soitin Sennillekin ja olen kuulema kaivattu :)

Koneeseen pääsin 22.00 aikoihin ja "Priority Boarding":lla pääsin ensimmäisten joukossa koneeseen, eikä kestänyt kauaakaan, että eteeni istui nuori mies ja katsahti hymyillen taakseen:
"Are You Finnish?"
hymyilin ja siitä se sitten lähti. Mies siirtyi viereen istumaan ensin esiteltyään itsensä.
"I'm Matt"
"I'm Lily, nice to meet you Matt"

2 tunnissa opittiin toisistamme paljon! Oli mukavaa, kun joku oli vieressä korjaamassa lausumisvirheet :) Matthew on insinööri Newcastlesta ja oli Suomessa "Joggling"-tapahtumassa. (aluksi kuulin "Jogging", onnekseni en sitä sitten kommentoinut mitenkään). Opin pelaamaan Go:ta (japanilainen lautapeli, jossa Matt on kuulemma älyttömän hyvä) Tuli loppujen lopuks tasapeli, mutta Matt olikin kiltti aloittelijaa kohtaan :) (en vieläkään osaa/ymmärrä sääntöjä!).
Skotlantiin päästiin monien keskustelujen jälkeen (mm. Disney-leffat ja scifi sarjat - En tykkää Scifistä, mut rakastan Doctor Who:ta, Matt taas on täysi vastakohta :)) Lopulta nähtiin toistemme passitkin (Matt on 26w :))
Heti laskeutumisen jälkeen Matt hymyili mulle leveesti ja tokas onnellisena:
"Welcome to Scotland!"
Lentokoneesta noustiin samaan aikaan ja päästiin samaan bussiinki, oli mukavaa, ku joku kokeneempi matkailija piti musta huolta :)
Bussista noustua Matt laski kätensä mun selälle ja ohjas mut sisälle. Päästiin ongelmitta kaikki tarkastukset läpi ja rinkkoja odotellessa vaihdettiin numerot ja leikin omalla kännykällä, jossa ei ollut minkäänlaista kenttää (lopulta huomasin sen etsivän suomalaisia kenttiä, joita ei Skotlannissa tietenkään ole!). Rinkat tulivat ensimmäisten joukossa ja siitä Matt lähti harppoen eteenpäin. Itse kipitin perässä kun Matt ei ollut sanonut hyvästejäkään tai mitään. Jäin jälkeen ja huomasin surukseni Mattin lähtevän ulos lentokentältä. Katselin orpo katse silmissä ympärilleni ja lähdin hakemaan jotain syötävää ainoasta auki olevasta kahvilasta. En päässyt edes kahvilalle asti ja takaata kuului huuto:
käännyin heti ja hymyilin kun Matt tuli perässäni.
"I thought you were following me so I was surprised when I didn't saw you behind me"
Hymyilin hieman ja mumisin olevani menossa hakemaan jotain syötävää. Matt tokaisi että voimme napata jotain ja sen jälkeen lähteä yhdessä Newcastleen viimeisellä junalla. Kieltäydyin kiltisti tarjouksesta sanoen että jään yöksi lentokentälle, koska haluan nähdä Edinburghia seuraavana päivänä. Matt hymyili ja nyökkäsi.
"I understand. Well I hope we can see each other before you go back to Finland. Call me or send me an e-mail."
Halasimme ja lupasin ottaa yhteyttä mahdollisimman pian kun tiedän mitä tekisin. Katsoin kun Matt lähti harppoen ulos lentokentältä jotta ehtisi viimeiseen junaan ja pääsisi seuraavana päivänä töihin. Itse suuntasin ostamaan juotavaa ja syötävää ja linnottauduin yhteen nurkkaan nukkumaan n.3 tunniksi, laukku ja rinkka tyynyinä ja mahdollisimman paksu pitkähihainen peittona. Nukuin n. 1-4 ja heräsin 4 aikoihin, kun lentokenttä alkoi taas täyttyä ihmisistä, jotka lähtevät ensimmäisillä lennoilla muualle. Kävin ostoksilla, siistin itseäni ja nyt odotan sopivaa bussia jolla lähtisin Edinburghin keskustaa valloittamaan.


Umm.. Yeah..

What I chose to do is keep only one blog and shut down the other one for good. I don't have time to keep two blogs so I will write everything I need to write to this one (some in Finnish, some in English depending on my mood).. So.. Yeah..

The first thing I'll write here next will be my interrail trip to UK.. It'll be in Finnish but I doubt that people really care :)


Monday, January 3, 2011

Dear Friend...

I will always hold you dear in my heart. You helped me when I was shattered, you showed me your weaker side when I showed mine to you, you listened and supported me when I needed it.

Thank you. Even if I don't mean anything to you anymore, you ment the world to me up until now. I will close this chapter in my life and move forward with my life.
Thank you for everything you did to make me feel better.
I loved you

sincerely yours,

I Can Breathe Once Again

Even though I'm dead busy with school work after school started again.. At least I don't have to stay at home.. There's nothing but fighting.. I'm ashamed to invite my friends over because you never know what might happen.. and WHEN..

The New Year was nice.. I spent it with Ninnu (even though the portfolio and Japanese homework kept haunting me :() and I really enjoyed it :) Now I'm back at the dorm and tired as hell.. I could crawl to my bed and sleep for the next 2 days (I'm seriously getting a cold at the moment.. I was freezing during our "Shakespeare class" and it's even worse here at the dorm :(
But I'll still finish my portfolio tonight. Or else I'm screwed.

After a week and a half I had received 11 postcards through postcrossing and to be honest I didn't like any of those.. Why do people buy and send ugly cards? I try to choose my cards so that even I would like to receive those (and I'm kinda picky) so why can't other people do the same? :/ And I also got 2 letters which cheered me up a bit :) It's nice to get mail once in a while :)

Photos from WeHeartIt

But now I better go and start to work on my portfolio so that I will get it done in time :) And then I can go to bed and try to get rid of my fever which I got today.. LOVELY!


Sunday, January 2, 2011

Take My Pain And Numb Me From This

Me quitting blogger.. It's not because I don't have many readers or the fact that I don't get comments? I don't care about those at all! Even if I didn't had a single reader I'd still write..
It's because of the comments I get everywhere else..

And I don't feel like writing that much because of my situation right now.. I won't tell the whole story to anyone.. I don't want to.. Telling hurts more than keeping it inside..

You said you're ashamed of me, you've always been and I've known it from the start.. I know that you hate me.. It's so obvious even if you keep saying that it's not true.. For fucks sake everyone knows the truth.. Are you just trying to fool yourself? You could have just let me go many times during this year and continue my life FAR away from you and your suffocating presence.. Still you keep saying that you want to see me.. It's all just so that you can take your anger out on me..

"In the dark with the music on
Wishing I was somewhere else
Taking all your anger out on me, somebody help
I would rather rot alone
Then spend a minute with you
I'm gone, I'm gone
And you can't stop me from falling apart
'Cause my self-destruction is all your fault"

Then there's the one sided feelings that refuse to die out even though I want them to disappear.. Those are unneeded because I don't want to destroy my friendships because of my stupid feelings..

"the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing you"