Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Bye Bye Sanity, Hello BreakDown

"I hardly care at all
What's going on fails to concern me

Cos I'm locked behind my wall
But you know what drives me out

Out of my mind
"


If all you have to say is "Take care" or "Everything's gonna be okay" just keep your mouth shut, I've heard that a million times and it just makes me feel worse or angry.

I feel so helpless and I'm going to breakdown any minute now.. I'm SO stressed and I can't talk about it to anyone.. NONE of my friends (outside of school) understands what I'm going through! They just keep saying that I'm exaggerating.. It's easy for them to say, they aren't studying a foreign language! Maybe 2 of 50 hours may be in Finnish!!! I have to learn everything about English in English!!! Could you learn a foreign language in foreign language? I bet most of my friends couldn't!
It's easy for people to say that everything will be better if you're not studying in university or anything at university level!!
And no, at the moment I don't give a F*CK even if I make mistakes!!! I'm so f*cking pissed!!!

And why can't I go to parties or meet my friends?
MAYBE BECAUSE I'M F*CKING STUDYING FOR REAL UNLIKE MOST OF MY FRIENDS!

And one of my friends is studying art in a private school.. Who got you interested in drawing and art? It's so f*cking nice not to hear anything about it! Could you even ONCE acknowledge me?
I'm pretty sure you won't acknowledge me, why would you?

Maybe it's better to leave things unsaid...

"by the way, I made it throught the day"

I'm not sure about anything anymore.. Do I have friends outside of the school or not.. I kept telling everyone before the year started that I would lose most of my friends but nobody believed or listened to me..

And it did happen!!! None of my so called friends keeps in touch with me unless I sent a message to them..

And they f*cking have the NERVE to call me a dear and important friend, even the BEST friend!!!!

Pictures from WeHeartIt

I'm SO sick of everything and I'm so stressed at the same time.. I don't know whether I will or won't write more after this or will I just disappear for many months..

I don't care about my so called friends anymore since they don't even have the time to think about me or ask/text me how I am..

Have a f*cking great New Year and Christmas without me and don't wonder if I won't reply to your messages,
why would I?

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