Monday, October 18, 2010
And somehow I wouldn't like to even think that this one year will be over too soon.. I love the dorm, I love my school, I love my new friends, I love my roommate! :) I never imagined that this year would be so great! I read from some sites that former students have enjoyed the school as well and said that "the year was like a GREAT book that is finished way too soon but after that you just think that it was SO worth it!" :)
And about moving abroad.. I've been thinking about Scotland.. :) I fell in love with Edinburgh when I were there.. So I'd LOVE to move there.. :) I really love Scotland :3
I know some of my friends and family members don't like the thought of me moving abroad (for example my grandma said that she won't fly there ever so I have to come to her if I want to see her).. But things are just like how my mom has said: "I can't imagine her living in Finland when she's older.." My mom and dad have traveled a lot when they were my age, my mom went alone to Australia to meet her family (uncle, aunt and two cousins whom I met when I were there :)) and my dad has worked in UK when he was about my age.. So their support has woken this feeling inside me that there's so much more to see than just boring Finland :)
And when I was talking with my grandma yesterday she said that ever since I turned 15 she has somehow known that my husband won't be Finnish.. :) Well, maybe he could be Finn but I won't forgive myself if I get stuck here :)
Oh, and I met my lovely godchild yesterday :) Lotta is 3 years old and lovely :) She looks like her big sister! :) I haven't seen Lotta in a while so I was happy to be able to play with her (properly) for the first time.. :) And it seemed like she had a great time.. :) But I still don't know what I should get her for Christmas :) I asked what she wishes to get from Santa and at first she said she doesn't know but when I started watching some cosplay photos in deviantart she started saying: "I want that, I want that, I want that"........... :) Hopefully I will meet her again soon :)
Well.. I really need to pack up now.. :)
Sunday, October 10, 2010
First of all: No, I haven't forgotten about you. It just hurts like hell to think that you're gone and I don't want to think about it like that.. That's why I haven't visited your grave in a while.. I REALLY miss you and finally I've kinda gotten over the worst shock.. But I don't know whether I can ever get a new pet or not.. You're the only one for me and I'm sad we got to spend only 2,5 years together.. The time we spent together is still so precious.. I still remember how happy I was when I saw you a couple of days after your birth, you were so cute and helpless and I was happy when my parents agreed to get a cat.. I watched you grow up until we got you after 6-8 weeks of waiting. I was so happy and we honestly spoiled you! You got to do whatever you wanted and we gave all our love to you. Even my mom started to love cats, before you she couldn't even look at one but since you came she has become a cat person.. You were the most beautiful lady I had seen and you still are!
I haven't thought of you lately and I'm sorry for that.. I've been busy with everything else but tonight I saw that mom lighted a lantern outside and I immediately remembered the night we buried you and how we kept a lantern beside your grave the whole winter.. And I immediately started to cry because I can't hold you in my arms again until I die.. I still remember the way I hold you the night, some minuted befor you drowned to our neighbour's well.. After over 10 months I'm still not talking to the neighbours.. If the man wouldn't be such a lazy bastard you would still be alive and I could sleep beside you.. We all lost a big part of ourselves when you died.. The house has been so empty since then.. I miss you SO much.. But at least I know that you're with your mom and dad.. I still wish I could have saved you..
I love you SO much and I wish I could see you at least once again..
Enjoy your life in the other side and don't forget us because we won't ever forget you!!!
R.I.P Pippuri March 18th 2007-December 6th 2009
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Why do you have to smile to me and look me in the eyes everytime we meet? It makes my heart beat faster everytime and I feel like everything is just fine, like the whole world would be smiling with you. But I never stop just to look you in the eyes and smile back at you.. Everytime we greet each other it's just a greeting and then we've already passed each other. Sometimes I feel like I should turn around and chace you but I always keep myself under control and continue my way forward.
I've already heard that you have someone in your heart, someone I know, so why do you have to smile to me? Why can't you just ignore me the way I TRY to ignore you?
Last week you weren't anywhere in sight and I was somehow a bit happy, I thought that I could get over you but what happened this week? I saw you talking with your friends during lunch and my heart skipped a beat. I was so happy to see you again even though I thought that I had already moved forward. We have only one class together. Only one and often we sit almost miles apart but this week you sat so close to me I was scared you heard what me and my friends talked about. But I was still happy. You stood in the front of the classroom being interviewed and I learned again something new about you.. When my interview was taking place I was so scared what you would think of me, the questions were so hard and I was SO scared, I HATE being infront of the class, especially when there's someone I like watching me.
After that class I didn't see you, before this morning.. Luckily for me I didn't have time to concentrate on you but after classes I met you in the dorm while you were talking with your friends, I was going to my room with my roommate and as I was walking up the stairs you once again looked me in the eyes and smiled at me with that angelic smile..
Please, just let me go forward with my life. Ignore me and let me get depressed for a while and pick myself up again so that I can go on with my life and keep you and your smile as a beautiful memory.
ps. I love you
Friday, October 1, 2010
"olen nähnyt, olen nähnyt
kuinka niiden iho muuttuu
tiedän kun ne rakastuu
ja kun ne suuttuu
mitä pidemmälle, mitä pidemmälle
mitä pidemmälle mä tuun
sitä huonommin muistan kaiken muun"
"Tell me what has happened to us
Suddenly you look to me like a completely stranger
Because I don't feel right anymore
When I'm in your arms
Doesn't care anymore what's about us?
Where do you want to go? I can't almost see you
Our pride is standing in our way
Didn't we want to try everything? Maybe we have betrayed ourselves?
I thought we could stand it
And now silence is all around us
Because we are standing in the rain, we don't have anything to offer anymore
And it's better you leave
Because it's time
To admit this cannot be anymore
There's nothing else to talk because when it rains like this
It's better give in
And silence gets thick around us
I don't understand your words anymore
Have we tried too many things? Why we couldn't see it coming?
It's not going to be easy to admit all this
Somewhere we failed
And the way it is, it cannot be
The end has been written long time ago
And this was our..."