Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Room 418 with Emma :)

So now it's my 2nd day living in the dorm and my first day studying English philology at the boarding school "Joutsenon Opisto" :) I'm pretty happy here, rooms are bigger than I thought (though Elisa came and said that her and Emma's (we have two Emmas in the same class and dorm area (4 rooms, 2 students in each of them and we are all studying English philology :))) Haven't really met anyone except for Emma who's my roommate for the next 8-9 months she's 1 year older than me but we get along just fine :) We have so much in common :) We both LOVE snail mail and we REALLY like this black haired, TALL about 22 years old guy student who lives in the dorm area below us ;) We met him on the first night while me and Emma were looking for the tv room and so was he :) We talked a bit and came to realize that the radiators don't work :DD Luckily we have 2 people in one room so it's a bit warmer than to live alone :D He's the ONLY good looking guy in the whole dorm and we both fell for him :) Now we've seen him MANY times during our first day even though we're not in the same classes :) He has lunch at the same time that we have and he opened the door for us when we came from our coffee break ;) I'm SO going to get to know him no matter what!!!! :DD

More info when the life has started better and so on.. :)


Monday, August 30, 2010

I Don't Wanna Go :(

I'm sure that people will hate me and my room mate hates me more than anything 'cause I can be a brat andandand.. :( I don't feel like going to school... ._. I'm scared :(

At least I'm taking all of the letters with me.. But what if I can't get an address to my dorm????? :((

Saturday, August 28, 2010

..2 Days..

I really can't believe it! 2 days and my school starts.. WHAT HAVE I DONE!?!?!?!? :DD
I don't feel like going there at all! I'm one of the few among my friends that got into a school they wanted but now I don't feel like going at all :/
Even Kimmy laughed at me because I started moaning about it to her.. :) And I have no time to pack my stuff during the days (I COULD be packing right now~) and I need to pack my stuff for the whole time.. I will be visiting home now and then but most of the time I'll be staying at the dorm.. I've heard that living in dorm is fun and everything but I'm afarid if I get a terrible roommate or that people hate me because I look (and sometimes act) like a brat :/

But anyways~ :)
My trip to UK was GREAT :D I really enjoyed it and I'm going back there next year, TWICE!!! :D (And Ryde invited me to go to Seoul during my winter vacation.. I don't know what to do!!!! :( I WANT to see him but at the same time I think about my money problem and I feel sad.. He really wants to see me and I want to see him.. ._. Flight tickets to Seoul cost around 700€ but to Sydney those would cost over 1100€, that's why we've decided to meet in Seoul if/when we will meet before 2014. :/)

I've been relaxing after my trip, done some works now and then and this weekend was&is busy! :D

Yesterday I went to see Toy Story 3 3D with my friend Kimmy.. :D

The movie was GREAT! I think it was the best Toy Story movie I've seen :D The only minus was the fact that Bo Peep wasn't there :( HOW'S THAT POSSIBLE!?!?!!?? WOODY'S GIRLFRIEND ISN'T THERE!!!!! :((
And after the movie Kimmy stayed over :) (before the movie we met Ellunam after 2 years!! :D She didn't think we'd remember her but of course we did!! We talked a LOT in Animecon 2008 which was held in Tampere :DD)
We had lots of fun at my place with Kimmy, some SMALL photoshoots and stuff like that :D Lots of talk about Kuroshitsuji :3 (Lily ♥ Ciel + CielXSebastian, Kimmy ♥ Grell & Sebastian ;))
Today we both realized that I will go to Joutseno in 2 days and stay there.. I almost started screaming and crying at the same time.. I just DON'T want to go to school :DD

And today I'm going to see Juha Tapio's gig in Loviisa, Club Alexia :) My mom wanted to go see him so I'm going with her :) Let's see if he's really as good as people say :)

And tomorrow I'll be working.. And PACKING!!! I get a panic attack before Monday morning :( I'm SO sure of that!!!! :( I need people around me to get my mind off about school!!!!! :(

Monday, August 16, 2010

Is Somebody Out There..?

Sometimes I wish I wouldn't feel like this..
  • unneeded
  • powerless
  • hopeless
  • lonely
I really feel alienated from everyone.. Why can't I live somewhere else? Why can't I find people I can REALLY trust no matter what..?
I've cried way too much over all of this s*it.. I've just had enough.. I'm not able to hide my true self that well anymore.. The barriers around my heart are starting to break..

Thanks to my (often happening) break downs I could draw our bathroom floor to anyone if they'd want that.. I just fall down and everytime I break down I feel like hurting or killing myself.. And it just keeps happening more and more often..

Maybe one of these days I will break down for good and disappear from here once and for all..

At the moment the thought makes me feel a bit more comfortable.. Especially after destroying and losing so many friendships because of my depression.. After I'm gone everyone will be so much happier.. No one will ever hear of me and they don't have to even visit my grave.. And my parents and family?
They still have my little brother..

Friday, August 6, 2010

"I Could Really Use A Wish Right Now"

I fell in love with B.O.B's Airplane song as soon as I heard it!
(listen to the song before you read more!)

Tracy was smiling to me when she heard that I fell in love with the song :) I even bought the whole CD yesterday from Meadowhall :)
When we were walking to the train station I was talking about the song with Tracy and she told me what kind of a meaning the song has to the children around here.. I know about the thing that happened but I was listening to the story as well as I could.

About 6 weeks ago a 15 years old boy drowned near here. He saved his friend but couldn't save his own life. He was really liked in his school (Tracy works at the school) and the song was his favorite.. So every time the song is playing on the radio the girls cry..The song was played in his funeral.. So the song has 2 meanings.. Hopefully you have listened the song 1 time before you've read this story and now listen it once more and think about this true story.. To be honest whenever I hear the song now I have to bite my lip so that I won't start crying :)
I LOVE the song still! :)

~ Lily