Saturday, July 31, 2010

KuroShitsuji Musical

Never imagined to see Sebastian dancing :D
At first when I saw a small clip of the musical I must say that I HATED the very thought but when I saw the 6th song in the musical, Sebastian and Grell's "Red Or Black" I fell in love :D
Sebastian's voice is not as deep as it is in anime so first it felt a bit weird but I like it this way :3

Matsushita Yuya as Sebastian Michaelis :3

I *HEART* Great Britain

Luckily I feel a bit better now.. :)
My hands look a lot better than 2 days ago when I was almost ready to cut both of my hands off.. It just hurted so much and looked terrible.. But now I have 2 different moisturizing creams with me :)
And yesterday I went to change some currency to Helsinki.. I got £363 with 450€ :) I was pretty happy and then I went with my dad to get me an InterRail One Country Pass for Great Britain (6 days within 1 month).. We talked about the pass with the booking clerk and made sure that the Pass works where it should.. And when we were driving home I noticed that I had got a One Country Pass for Spain.. I panicked immediately but luckily we were allowed to go and change the Pass today to the right one.. :)
And I've packed all of my stuff already.. Now I'm just wondering whether I've forgotten something or not :D Hopefully not :)
The plane leaves tomorrow night around 10.40pm and I'll be in Edinburgh around 11.40pm their time.. :) I probably won't sleep at all in the airport but let's hope that my 1st day in Edinburgh will be a great one.. :)
I can't WAIT to go to Sheffield and meet Tracy, Mark and Ben after almost 3 years :D Tracy is panicking and cleaning the house and Ben can't wait for his 10,5 years older "girlfriend" to come over again ;D
I'll update my blog during the trip if I get the chance to, if not I'll write about the days after I'm back :)

Edinburgh, Sheffield, York, Nottingham, Blackpool and London.. HERE I COME! :3


Monday, July 26, 2010

The Higher You Get ,The Harder You Fall

I know I should be on top of the world right now.. I have great friends, I had a great birthday party with some of my dearest friends, I got new cosplay photos, I'm going to UK within 6 days and all.. But I feel so helpless, so small, miserable, unneeded and.. somehow forgotten..
Whenever I forget to keep my heart locked so that I wouldn't get depressed I get extremely happy and then I fall down and the depression sucks me in again..
I've even wondered whether someone would really remember me if I'd die.. Maybe after the 1st year.. But what about 5 or 20 years? Would someone really remember me?
I've done nothing special to be remembered by, I'm not that hard to forget..

And I know I'm not a good friend.. I hurt my friends in one way or another and at the same time I hurt myself.. I saw it happen again on Saturday and I felt like killing myself immediately after it happened! I don't want to hurt them but somehow it always happens..
Maybe they all would be better without me..

I feel like I'm just becoming weaker with all the medicines I have to eat nowadays.. And I fall apart so much easier as the days go by..
Unkept promises rise from the graves to haunt..
"You said it wouldn't happen.. But it DID!"
One-sided feelings..

Even I can't stand myself anymore.. SO how can anyone stand me? I don't think they do.. I feel like I'm just a small piece in a game where I'm destined to be sacrifised just so that the player will get something bigger and better..

Everyone would be so much better without me..

Friday, July 23, 2010


Haha :D Still can't believe that I'm 19.. :D It feels just way too weird :D
Day started with going to a hospital (just like yesterday) but this time they just took blood tests.. I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything for 12 hours so I was DEAD when I went there and I totally paniced.. I LOATHE needles and lots of blood.. Luckily that went fast and then I took my mom to work and went to my grandma's place.. She was SO happy that her oldest grandchild came to greet her :) We went to Porvoo and we ate lunch together (plus I helped her to buy a new mouse to her computer and I bought the medicine I had to.. And of course I had to go to Alko and buy some alcohol for the evening :) I'm going to Kimmy's place soon and after that I'm going home and Sini will come to greet me :3
Oh! And I picked up my graduation photos :3


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Why Can't It Be August Already?

Okay, my birthday would be in the past but my part-time job would end and I'd be in UK :3
My dad talked with Tracy today and Ben is excited to see me after 3 years! :D He will be 8! :D I can't believe I saw him over 2 years ago last time! :D He must've grown! :)

Tracy told us that she will take me around the near by villages on 4th and she will come to Nottingham with me :D We will have a girl's day out :D She has studied in Nottingham so she knows where everything is :3 It's great to have a guide! :D And the age different doesn't matter to me at all! :D I love talking with adults! :D And Tracy is the greatest! :D I'd love to have her as my mom :D
And when I'm going to Blackpool she and Ben will come with me :D When Ben heard that I'm oing to Blackpool he decided that they're coming with me that day :D At least I will get some photos where I will be as well :D (Hopefully! :D)
Can't really wait! :D

.......wonder if they'll understand me and my terrible accent xD

Today was a normal day at work.. I worked my ass off like a slave and felt dizzy MANY times.. Still I stayed there for 7 hours.. Luckily I got the car so I drove home at 4pm and got a letter from Erica! :3 I'm so happy to receive letters so close to my birthday :D I just realized that it's only 3 days to my birthday.. Wow.. I will be 19.. And I don't even feel like I'd be 18 xD
My birthday will be an interesting one :D
I paid the next order from Postcardgarden today and hopefully receive it on Friday or Monday ;3 Friday would be great :3

Need to go and write letters~


Can't believe I've looked like that last year ;D

Monday, July 19, 2010

Package received! ^^

I was working for 9 hours today (9am-6pm) even though normally I go home around 4pm.. Today was just so much busier day than ever before (even though Mondays are usually extremely quiet)
Well.. It was quiet untill 11am when a 19 years old guy came to our shop and started making a bill with Minna(another employer).. and he bought trees, bushes, roses and such things with almost 13000 euros!!!!! That's like 10000€ more than I can make within 4-5 months! Of course I was the one who had to carry most of the things because the guy just piled the plants he wanted in the middle of the nursery and that made most of the other customers extremely angry.. and I worked with those plants until 5pm and after that I needed to clean up some places.. I was DEAD tired!

Luckily I knew that I had got mail.. :3 I got my order from postcard garden :3 I'm already a regular there and I get -10% from every order I make :D It's great :D This time I ordered:

Q-lia Caromel cotton - letterset
Amy&Tim #2 - envelopes (10 envelopes, 2 different kind of envelopes)
Amy&Tim 2 - stickers
Miki #1 - stickers
Midnight Goddess - Fantasy postcard

I was SO happy to receive those :3

Here's the card :3 (I'll be sending it to Hungary tomorrow, through POSTCROSSING! :3)

Hopefully she will like the postcard as much as I do :3 I LOVE Linda Peltola's cards!!! :3



Haha~ I had LOTS of fun last night when I forced my brother to play Singstar with me :D I OWNED him since his voice has changed a lot since we last played it ;D He was complaining all the time that I was cheating even though I chose songs that I hadn't sing ever before or failed TOTALLY when I last sang those.. :D BUT..

First battle was with 3 songs:

1. Blue - One Love
2. Good Charlotte - Boys and Girls
3. Ricky Martin - Livin' La Vida Loca

and I owned him in every song ;D But I got the best points from the last one O_O I've never got more than 3000 points from that but this time I got more than 8400 :D

The last battle we chose our own songs :3 I chose:

1. Busted - Crashed the Wedding
2. Avril Lavigne - Complicated
3. Liberty X - Just A Little

and I owned him again :D 24000 points agains 15000 points ;D

Then we changed the game to another singstar and the same routine went on.. :D Finally he gave up xD

Well.. I got to go now.. :3 work starts within 50minutes and I still need to go to a shop :P


Sunday, July 18, 2010

~I'm okay, I'm alright~

"Everything is going well,
At least that's what I tell myself"

To be honest everything IS alright.. I'm not depressed or anything.. Family life is fine, I'm not fighting with anyone.. I have lots of things to do at home and work.. I have letters to be written..
But still I have this empty feeling inside..
I don't think that the feeling is because I'm single.. I like it that way.. Even though sometimes it's hard being with people who have someone in their lives..
Sometimes I think that maybe there's something wrong with me.. I'm not pretty enough, I should be thinner, I should work out more, I should go out more often.. Things like that.. Sometimes I blame the fact that I live in the middle of nowhere where all of the guys are morons..

I mean.. I have someone who I like and he likes me back.. I'm happy about that but the only problem is the distance.. He's currently studying in a university in Sydney Australia.. And I haven't heard from him in 2 months now..
And I've grown a crush for a friend of mine.. We've been friends for sometime but we've just grown closer by time and my feelings have grown as well.. But that's it.. I'm not gonna tell about my feelings because I don't want to destroy our friendship which is really important to me..

But I would really love to know why I have this empty feeling inside.. I hide it behind my smile so that most people can't see it..

Could it be because all of my friends have something they're incredibly good at? I mean different kind of skills.. Sewing, Drawing, Singing, Cosplaying etc.. And I've never felt like I'm good at something.. Everytime I've think that I've improved and that I could be good at something I see someone who's 100 times better than me and just give up.. Why? Because I realize that I could never become as good as them..

I've even started questioning from me whether I can get into university next year.. Currently I feel like none of the universities OR polytechnics are going to take me in..
Even though I'm growing out of my shell and getting rid of my shyness bit by bit I'm still not open enough and my skills aren't enough..
I even wonder why they took me in to Joutseno..


Friday, July 16, 2010


Finally I received another letter from abroad!! ^^
Okay, I know that I've been really lazy&busy to reply so that's also one of the reasons I haven't received any letters anywhere except Finland.. :S

I should really apologize to all of my foreign snail mail friends.. :S But anyways~
On Tuesday I received a letter from Katri and today I received one from Hye Jin/South Korea!!! ^^

I'm currently replying to Katri's letter and after that I have these letters to be written so that I can send those on Monday as I already promised :D

Hye Jin/South Korea

and after those letters I still have some left to reply:

Jiwon/South Korea
Tiwanna/St. Vincent and the Grenadines

And that's it.. :D I feel happy :D
My goal is to write and send all of those within this week (dead line: July 23rd! :D)
Wish me luck~


Isn't Something Missing?

It's been over 7 months now and it still hurts like hell.. I found Pippuri's pictures again and smiled while I looked everyone of those.. To be honest I felt like crying and that's what I'm currently doing.. I miss my fluffy baby.. The world is just way too cruel...

I miss you Pippuri!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Postcrossing and Other Postcards~

I gazed through my blog and realized that I haven't uploaded any photos of my received postcards since May 27th :O
So here's the 8 missing postcards through postcrossing and some of the 17 cards I've received from my friends xD Sorry~


from terri89/China, May 28th

The Qian Tomb of Tang Dynasty

from Katherin/Moldova, June 11th

Kishinev, Moldova

from valou44/France, June 11th

Paris by night

from ChickenLicken/Great Britain, June 17th

from teanosugar/Poland, June 17th

Stutthof, Nazi Concentration Camp - founded in 1939

from pinkroma/Singapore, July 1st

Chinese boat restaurant cruising Singapore Islands

from kagamiexc/Russia, July 5th

from cinthia4apple/Taiwan, July 12th

Postcards from Friends

From Nora

From Viivi

From Marjut

From Shi/China<3

From Senni<3


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

You Have NO Clue

Only about a week and I'm 19.. :3 and 2 weeks until my trip to UK! :3 Scotland & England, HERE I COME! :D

Currently I'm eagerly waiting for next weekend~ My cosplay friends will be coming over and we'll be cosplaying through the whole weekend~ CAN'T WAIT! x3

The only things that bothers me a LOT at the moment are
1) I won't be able to go to MeuwCon which will be held in Stockholm, Sweden August 13th-15th.. 2 of my friends are going and I know that seeing their cosplay costumes and everything from there will kill me ;_; TAKE ME WITH YOU~
2)Everyone (who doesn't know me that well) thinks that I'm sweet.. "You're so sweet" those words are pretty often heard but it's not true.. Often when people tell me somethings that may upset me (like quitting snail mail just like that) I act like it's okay to me and as if I totally understand why they have to do so.. But deep inside me I'm almost dying.. Thinking "Is there something wrong with ME?"

But anyways~
Haven't posted any cosplay photos from this summer so here are some:

Desucon 2010, Day one:
~Twilight Town Roxas~ - ~Kingdom Hearts 2~

Desucon 2010, Day two:
~Organization XIII Roxas~ - ~Kingdom Hearts 2~

Tracon V, Day one:
~Fuu Hououji, School Uniform~ - ~Magic Knight Rayearth~

Tracon V, Day two:
~Edward Elric~ - ~FullMetal Alchemist~

To be honest I think I looked pretty good while I was cosplaying Roxas.. :)
Fuu's costume was okay.. But my wig was terrible :( But STILL people recognized my character!! Even though the series is SO old! :D I was happy about that :) And I had this most handsome Ferio with me ;)
Edo.. I think my costume and wig were GREAT! :D I really did look like a guy and to be honest I think I'm one of the best Edo crossplayers in Finland :D
Or do you people think that I raped Edo by crossplaying him? :P

Next cosplays:

Edo (FullMetal Alchemist) ~ July 24th-25th
Casual Edo ~ July 24th-25th
Zero Kiryu (Vampire Knight) ~ July 24th-25th
Robin Ciel (KuroShitsuji) ~ Next year if we get a Sebastian~ ;D
(Beautyqueen) Etna (Disgaea) ~ Next year
Yuna (Final Fantasy X) ~ Still THINKING about it..
Fuu Hououji (Magic Knight Rayearth) ~ Next year

Who should I cosplay as? :3


Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Soundtrack Of My Life

Currently I'm going through a depression phase in my life..
I was okay for the last 2 months, I had no problems (some fights here and there but I wasn't depressed)..
Now, after Tracon I and everything just fell apart.. I feel like my body falls apart just like that and so does my life..
I have NO energy to do anything, I'm half dead even when I'm working.. And even my feelings are messed up.. About one month ago I realized that I love my friend a LOT. But I'm 99% sure that my feelings are one-sided and I'm afraid to lose our friendship.. So maybe this is also one of the reasons I'm really depressed..

And these are 5 songs that represent my life at the moment:

1. Ke$ha - Hungover
"Now the party's over
And everybody's gone

I'm left here with myself and I

Wonder what went wrong

And now my heart is broken

Like the bottles on the floor

Does it really matter?

Or am I just hung over you?

2. Lesley Roy - Slow Goodbye
"I act cool
On the outside
But it's eating me
Cuz when it comes to you
There's nothing I can do
I can't make you love me
When you don't"

3. Waiting For Iris - Fade to Black
"Who am i to question
Who are you to keep pretending
love is just the tension
and i think ive found a resolution
fade to black now"

4. Nickelback - Savin Me
"Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you"

5. LIGHTS - Face Up
"Seems like the more you grow
the more time you spend alone
before you know it
you'll end up perfectly on your own"